Archive | September 2013

Competition as Doctors…..

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 A doctor from France says:”In France , the medicine is so advanced that
we cut off a man’s testicles; we put them into another man, and in 6
weeks he is looking for work.”

A German doctor comments quietly : “That’s nothing, in Germany we take
part of the brain out of a person; we put it into another person head,
and in 4 weeks he is looking for work.”

A Russian doctor says boasting :”That’s nothing either. In Russia we
take out half of the heart from a person; we put it into another
person’s chest, and in 2 weeks he is looking for work.”

The U.S. doctor laughs and answers loudly immediately: “That’s nothing
my colleagues, you are way behind us….in the USA , about 5 years ago,
we grabbed a person from Kenya with no brains, no heart, and no
balls….we made him President of the United States, and now……. the
whole damn country is looking for work.”

 
 

Mitch Hedberg Quotes: One-liners

I haven’t slept for ten days… because that would be too long.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.

When someone tries to hand me out a flyer, it’s kind of like they’re saying, “Here, you throw this away.”

Rice is great when you’re hungry and you want 2,000 of something.

I like Kit Kats, unless I’m with four or more people.

The last time I called ‘shotgun’, we had rented a limo, so I fucked up.

I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.