Archive | August 2016

Dog For Sale

A guy is driving in rural Alabama and he sees a sign in front of a tired
old house with lots of deferred maintenance: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the
backyard.

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.
 
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‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so… I told the CIA.  In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…

 But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.  I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’

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The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

 
‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars?  This dog is amazing!  Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he lies more than Hillary; He’s never been out of the back yard’.

60 th Wedding Anniversary

Image result for pic for 60 wedding anniversary

Their three kids, all successful, agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.  “Happy  Anniversary Mom and Dad,” gushed Son No.1.   ‘Sorry I’m running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn’t have time to get you a gift.”

“Not to worry,” said the father.    “Important thing is we’re all together today.”

 

Son No. 2 arrived. “You and Mom look great, Dad. I just flew in from Montreal between depositions and didn’t have time to shop for you.

“It’s nothing,” said the father. “We’re glad you were able to come.

 

Just then the daughter arrived,   “Hello and happy anniversary! Sorry, but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing so I didn’t have time to get you anything.”  After they had finished dessert, the father said,

“There’s something your mother and I have wanted to tell you for a long time. You see, we were really poor, but we managed to send each of you to college.  Through the years your mother and I knew we loved each other very much, but we just never found the time to get married.”

The three children gasped and said, “WHAT? You mean we’re bastards?”

“Yep”, said the father. “Cheap ones, too . .         .”

What’s Wrong With Me?

Image result for funny doctor pics about lazy men

A man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to do.

When the examination was complete, he said, “Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.”

“Well, in plain English,” the doctor replied, “you’re just lazy.”

“Okay,” said the man. “Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

THE SPHINX—NEWS CLIPS

Sphinx Main

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HERE IS A WEATHER ALERT FOR THE SOUTHEAST AND HAWAII.  Check with your local weather people for current conditions.

https://weather.com/storms/hurricane/video/biggest-impacts-from-tropical-depression-nine-0

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News Cat:   Hungarian politician has solution to illegals.

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/1650603/hungarian-politician-slammed-for-proposing-pig-heads-along-border-to-stop-refugees-entering-country/

An Albuquerque assistant principal has told teachers to not call children girls or boys.  They should be called ” hey you or little bastards.”

http://www.kob.com/albuquerque-news/teachers-at-school-directed-to-stop-addressing-students-as-lsquoboys-and-girlsrsquo/4240210/

PCBs may contribute to autism.

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2016/08/23/Banned-PCB-chemicals-still-tied-to-autism-in-US-kids/9191471967969/?spt=hs&or=hn

Obama won’t tell an inept Congress where the 1.3 billion ransom dollars came from.

http://freebeacon.com/national-security/obama-admin-wont-tell-congress-paid-iran-1-3-billion-taxpayer-funds/

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Annular Solar Eclipse over New Mexico
Image Credit & Copyright: Colleen Pinski

Explanation: What is this person doing? In 2012 an annular eclipse of the Sun was visible over a narrow path that crossed the northern Pacific Ocean and several western US states. In an annular solar eclipse, the Moon is too far from the Earth to block out the entire Sun, leaving the Sun peeking out over the Moon’s disk in a ring of fire. To capture this unusual solar event, an industrious photographer drove from Arizona to New Mexico to find just the right vista. After setting up and just as the eclipsed Sun was setting over a ridge about 2.5 kilometers away, a person unknowingly walked right into the shot. Although grateful for the unexpected human element, the photographer never learned the identity of the silhouetted interloper. It appears likely, though, that the person is holding a circular device that would enable them to get their own view of the eclipse. The shot was taken at sunset on 2012 May 20 at 7:36 pm local time from a park near Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA. Tomorrow another annular solar eclipse will become visible, this time along a path crossing Africa and Madagascar.

Tomorrow’s picture: open space