Archive | May 2017

Sounding Like My Ex-Wife

May24

Image result for cartoon golf shoes

Fred decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes. His wife was standing there watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. “Honey, I’ve been thinking, now that we are married I think it’s time you quit golfing. Maybe you should sell your golf clubs.”

Fred gets this horrified look on his face. She says, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

“Ex-wife!” she screams, “I didn’t know you were married before!”

“I wasn’t.”

Our Liberal Democrats will not be satisfied until OUR headlines read like this:

May24

I would like for the judges who block every move that President Trump makes… to imagine pictures of their children and grandchildren  in these scenarios. Sadly, I really do not think they would have a problem with it…..I think they hate losing the election more than they love their own children.

-Sheila Tolley-

The Night Watchman

May23
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Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert.

Congress said, “Someone may steal from it at night.”

So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.

Then Congress said, “How does the watchman do his job without instruction?”

So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.

Then Congress said, “How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?”

So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One was to do the studies and one was to write the reports.

Then Congress said, “How are these people going to get paid?”

So they created two positions: a time keeper and a payroll officer then hired two people.

Then Congress said, “Who will be accountable for all of these people?”

So they created an administrative section and hired three people, an Administrative Officer, Assistant Administrative Officer, and a Legal Secretary.

Then Congress said, “We have had this command in operation for one year and we are $918,000 over budget, we must cut back.”

So they laid off the night watchman. 

NOW slowly, let it sink in.

Does anybody remember the reason given for the establishment of the DEPARTMENT OF ENERGY during the Carter administration?

Anybody?  Anything? Anyone?  No ?  Didn’t think so!

Bottom line is, we’ve spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency, the reason for which very few people who read this can remember!

Ready? 

It was very simple… and at the time, everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted on 8/04/1977, TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL.

Hey, pretty efficient, huh???

AND NOW IT’S 2017 — 40 YEARS LATER — AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS “NECESSARY” DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR. IT HAS 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES AND APPROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES; AND LOOK AT THE JOB IT HAS DONE!
 
Ah, yes — good old Federal bureaucracy.

NOW, WE HAVE TURNED OVER THE BANKING SYSTEM, HEALTH CARE, AND THE AUTO INDUSTRY TO THE SAME GOVERNMENT?
 
What can possibly go wrong?


Signed….
The Night Watchman
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(Thanks to JH….my Friend and Pen Pal.)

Why Did Mom Marry Dad?

May18

Marriage anniversary Sms for Mom and Dad: Here you can read latest collection of Marriage anniversary Sms. If you want to wish to your Mom and Dad on this great day then this is the place where you can read Marriage Anniversary Sms for Mom and Dad.

 

Grade school children were asked the question, “Why did your mom marry your dad?”

These are some responses:

1. She got too old to do anything else with him.
2. My grandma says that mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
3. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world, and Mom eats a lot!