Archive | June 2017

My New Name

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

CNN BREAKING NEWS:

 Our reliable sources place Trump on the grassy knoll in Dallas the day JFK was killed. He was seen speaking with a group of Russian cosmonauts and two Martians just before the fatal shots were fired… Congress is planning to appoint an unbiased special prosecutor, the Reverend Jesse Jackson, to investigate.

Republican senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham and Democrat Charles “Our Man Chuck” Schumer have solidly verified this story in a nude seance utilizing Ouija board and the blood of two roosters.

In a related story, broken by CNN Breaking news Washington Post and corroborated by the New York Times, Trump was seen running from Ford’s theater on the night President Lincoln was assassinated. Trump was reportedly accompanied by two Russian diplomats and the editor of National Lampoon magazine.

The totally unbiased FBI is investigating. A statement released moments ago by the agency included “We are leaving no stone unturned. We are currently combing through Mrs. Lincoln’s laptop and checking surveillance footage from the theater cameras that most of the public never knew existed, but we created… uh, discovered them. We ARE going to railroad Trump…

I mean find the culprit through modern “investigative techniques.”

Mr. Trump is also being mentioned in connection with the killing of Bambi’s mom, the expansion of global warming, and the sinking of the Titanic. These are ongoing investigations, as the evidence is still being manufactured.

Stay tuned…  (Rachael Madow  will have further details)

CNN #1 in news that smells like #2…

“We don’t report the news, we create it”

JUST IN !!  Trump’s fingerprints were found on the control console at Chernobyl ! More from Wolf Blitzer after he finishes his vodkas.

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25 Strange But True Facts That Will Shock You

What’s the weirdest fact you know of? We bet it’s not as strange as any of these! You might think these facts sound totally false, but trust us, they’re totally true! So, if you’ve got 10 minutes to spare, why not check out these  25 strange but true facts that will shock you!

  1. Donkey Kong got his name because his creator believed ‘donkey’ meant ‘stupid’ in English and wanted to convey the impression that the character was a “Stupid Ape”.
  2. The medical name for a butt crack is “intergluteal cleft”.
  3. People can suffer from a psychological disorder called Boanthropy that makes them believe that they are a cow. They try to live their life as a cow.
  4. The name for the shape of Pringles is called a ‘Hyperbolic Paraboloid’.
  5. There is a McDonalds in every continent except Antartica.
  6. Mr Potato Head was the first toy to be advertised on TV.
  7. A duel between three people is actually called a truel.
  8. The stage before frostbite is called “frostnip”.
  9. The two tiny holes drilled in every BIC pen is to ensure that the air pressure is the same both inside and outside the pen, which helps the ink flow to the tip.
  10. In South Korea there is an emergency number (113) to report spies.
  11. There are no bridges over the Amazon River.
  12. The process by which bread toasts is called the ‘Maillard Reaction’.
  13. Snails have 14000 teeth and some can even kill you!
  14. Admiral Ackbar from Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi was not a man in a suit, it was actually a giant puppet.
  15. Sonic the Hedgehog’s full name is actually Ogilvie Maurice Hedgehog.
  16. Even though Froot Loops are different colors, they all have exactly the same flavor.
  17. George Clooney did the voice for ‘Sparky’ – a gay dog in South Park.
  18. Most toilet paper sold for home use in France is pink.
  19. Marmite was one of most confiscated items at airports from the UK – to overcome this issue, Marmite made smaller ones for travelling.
  20. The human nose can remember 50,000 different scents.
  21. Cards against Humanity bought an island in Maine to preserve wildlife. It is called Hawaii 2.
  22. Daddy longlegs have penises, which technically makes them not a spider.
  23. The television was invented only two years after the invention of sliced bread.
  24. Bullfrogs do not sleep.
  25. The dark region on the north pole of Pluto’s moon, Charon, is called Mordor.

Fun Fact

 7 Up was created by Charles Leiper Grigg. Grigg came up with the formula for a lemon-lime soft drink in 1929. The product, originally named “Bib-Label Lithiated Lemon-Lime Soda”, was launched two weeks before the Wall Street Crash of 1929. It contained lithium citrate, a mood-stabilizing drug, until 1950. Its name was later shortened to “7 Up Lithiated Lemon Soda” before being further shortened to just “7 Up” by 1936. The origin of the name is unclear, though Britvic claims that the name comes from the seven main ingredients in the drink, while others have claimed that the number was a coded reference to the lithium contained in the original recipe, which has an atomic mass of approximately 7.
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