Archive | November 2017

A Young Law Student, Having Failed His Law Exam, Questions His Professor

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me
the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you
can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and
neither logical nor legal?

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer.
Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark
into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all
afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in
a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really
tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical,
logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer
“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student “You see, you are 75 years old
and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not
logical.

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.
And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him
an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.. ‘
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

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The Pope Goes To New York

Pope driving

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”

The driver is understandably hesitant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”

But the Pope persists, “Please?” The driver finally lets up. “Oh, all right, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”

So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.

The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Cop: Chief, I have a problem.

Chief: What sort of problem?

Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it’s someone really important.

Chief: Important like the mayor?

Cop: No, no, much more important than that.

Chief: Important like the governor?

Cop: Way more important than that.

Chief: Like the president?

Cop: More.

Chief: Who’s more important than the president?

Cop: I don’t know, but he’s got the Pope driving for him.

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Fall Out, Soldiers!

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots, fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

THE SPHINX—HOW DID WE GET FROM THERE TO HERE

The Editor:  That title is almost philosophical, LL ?

Nick’s Cat:   It sure is,  Nick is coming up with so many appearances that he might get a guest column.  It will be hard to beat calling the news media ” Rat Poison “.

http://www.ajc.com/sports/video-nick-saban-opens-press-conference-with-rant-blue-jeans/oSe5e1Xvv3oUhfXXipYl4K/

http://www.al.com/alabamafootball/index.ssf/2017/10/nick_saban_rails_on_medias_rat.html

This pill will soon record everything you eat, drink, smoke, and your location.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/13/health/digital-pill-fda.html

The Navy must have stolen a plane from Daytona Beach or Peniscola, Florida.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/graphic-obscene-skydrawings-spotted-in-okanogan-co/492521457

This is a great invention.

http://www.breitbart.com/texas/2017/11/16/watch-ziplock-bag-cars-saves-vehicles-flooding/

Breaker Breaker One-Nine Cat:  This might be even better.  If you have it a truck brought it.  The future is still here.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2017/11/16/tesla-semi-electric-big-rig-truck-rolls-into-reality/873162001/

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Friday, the Moon Smiled
Image Credit & Copyright: Tunç Tezel (TWAN)

Explanation: Friday, an old Moon smiled for early morning risers. Its waning sunlit crescent is captured in this atmospheric scene from clear skies near Bursa, Turkey, planet Earth. In the subtle twilight hues nearby celestial lights are Jupiter (top) and Venus shining close to the eastern horizon. But today, Saturday, the Moon will be new and early next week its waxing crescent will follow the setting Sun as it sinks in the west. Then, a young Moon’s smile will join Saturn and Mercury in early evening skies.

Tomorrow’s picture: a wise view

A young man goes into a pharmacy…

pharmacist

A young man goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist, “Hello, could you give me condom. I’m going to my girlfriends for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”

The pharmacist gives him the condom and as the young man is going out; he returns and says, “Give me another condom because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike it lucky there too.”

The pharmacist gives him a second condom and as the boy is leaving he turns back and says, “Go on, give me one more condom because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eyes, and since she invited me for dinner, I think she is expecting me to make a move!”

During dinner, the young man is sitting with his girlfriend on his left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him.

When the dad gets there, the boy lowers his head and starts praying, “Dear Lord, bless this dinner and Thank you for all you give us.” A minute later the boy is still praying; “Thank you Lord for your kindness.” Ten minutes go by and the boy is still praying, keeping his head down. The others look at each other surprised and his girlfriend is even more surprised than the others.
She gets close to the boy and says in his ear, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”

The boy replies, “I didn’t know your dad was a pharmacist!”:)