Archive | February 5, 2018

A Retiree’s Last Trip to Costco!

Yesterday I was at Costco, buying a large bag of
Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Owen,
the Wonder Dog and was in the check-out line when a
woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an
elephant?

So because I’m retired and have little to do, on
impulse, I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog,
I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I
probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but
that I’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward
with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet
and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with
Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is nutritionally complete, (certified), so it works well and
I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically
everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive
care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I had stopped
to pee on a fire hydrant and a car hit me.

Well, I thought the guy behind her was going to have
a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won’t let me shop there anymore. Better watch
what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to
think of crazy things to say.

Forward this (especially) to all your retired
friends… it will be their laugh for the day.

 

THE SPHINX—SURPRISING STUFF

The Editor:   What have you found that is the most surprising, LL ?

John Paul Jones Cat:  If you wanted sex, drugs, and Rock & Roll the last few years and couldn’t get to DC, the place to be was The Seventh Fleet.  The real reason that so many accidents have been happening is everyone was in the  fo’c’sle  having sex.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/fo%27c%27sle

https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/leaks-feasts-and-sex-parties-how-fat-leonard-infiltrated-the-navys-floating-headquarters-in-asia/2018/01/23/4d31555c-efdd-11e7-97bf-bba379b809ab_story.html?utm_term=.40eca5b6681b

Maybe the oil will mix with the radiation from Fukushima.

https://www.upi.com/Energy-News/2018/02/02/Oil-from-stricken-Iranian-vessel-may-have-reached-Japan/6141517570735/?utm_source=fp&utm_campaign=ls&utm_medium=2

Here is what happens when Progressives associate with normal people.

http://www.fox13news.com/news/florida-news/florida-blue-jay-can-mimic-a-convincing-meow

Americans have to wash off the bad karma from Obama.