Archive | April 12, 2018

THE SPHINX—PULITZER PRIZE 2

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https://townhall.com/tipsheet/chrisreeves/2018/04/11/secretary-mattis-us-government-not-sure-who-carried-out-syria-chemical-attack-n2470044

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The Editor:    Are these links also part of your archive, LL ?

Second Amendment Cat:   They sure are, I use them to show one reason the Second Amendment is so important.  At times,  I think a second hand gun should be kept in the bathroom.   If I had thumbs and some earplugs I would have me a couple of Peace Makers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colt_Single_Action_Army

Remember to lock those bedroom and bathroom doors.

Remember that gun users need training/instructions.

 

What makes flying fun? How about funny airline announcements?

Image result for funny pics for funny airline crew announcements

1. “Today’s flight should take about 3 hours, but luckily I know a shortcut so we might be a little early.”

2. “If you don’t like humor we have exits.”

3. “Sorry about the bumpy landing. It’s not the captain’s fault. It’s not the co-pilot’s fault. It’s the Asphalt.”

4. After a bumpy landing: “That was a rough one. Since you all survived we expect you to keep all those promises that you just made.”

5. “We’ll be dimming the lights to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

6. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

7. “Your menu choices are chicken or pasta. If we’re out of your choice by the time we get to you, don’t worry, they all taste the same.”

8. Pilot asks before take off if this is the first time flying for anyone to press the flight attendant button. When no one pressed the button he said “Good, then I’m the only one.”

9. “When exiting the plane please watch out for the low overhead door. If you forget, please watch your language.”

10. “Please keep your seat belts fastened and enjoy our complimentary turbulence.”

11. “In the unlikely event of a water landing, just think of the incredible story you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren.”

12. “You will find the safety briefing card in your seat pocket. It is beautiful and has lots of nice pictures.”

13. “Cabin crew are coming by hoping you will tell them how good looking they are.”

14. “For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?”

15. “The yellow button is your reading light. Please don’t press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your ejector seat button.”

16. “On an early morning flight I noticed a few ladies who forgot to put on their makeup this morning. I’ll be dimming the lights for your convenience.”

17. “To activate oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute.”

18. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

19. “Folks it has been great having you flying with us today. But just like my Dad said to me the day I turned 18: get out.”

20. “Now that we’re here I’ll tell you the same thing my mother told me: Get your bags and get out!”

 

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A Cool Cowboy

Image result for pic of a cool cowboy

 A COWBOY TOMBSTONE

Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan , Utah . He died not knowing that he would win the “Coolest Headstone” contest.

 

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW FOR A HAPPY LIFE

 

1. It’s important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It’s important to have a woman who can make you laugh.

3. It’s important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn’t lie to you.

4. It’s important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you.

5. It’s very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me.

 


BREAKING NEWS!! New Element Discovered

Image result for pelosium pic

A major research institution has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Pelosium. The chemical symbol of Pelosium is Pu. Pelosium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311. These particles are held together by dark particles called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Pelosium’s mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the atmosphere and become assistant deputy neutrons within the Pelosium molecule, leading to the formation of isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientist to believe that Pelosium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

When catalyzed with money, Pelosium activates MSNBCobnoxium and CNNadnausium, both elements that radiate orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since they have half as many peons but twice as many morons as Pelosium.

Since it has no electrons, Pelosium is inert. However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction it comes in contact with. According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Pelosium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally occurred in less than a second. In the presense of anti-morons, Pelosium can be extremely corrosive. Botox seems to distort and smooth it’s surface, without impeding it’s ongoing decay.

Pelosium has a normal half-life of approximately two years, at which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a transmutation, appearing in a new location but displaying the same properties. In this process, deputy morons, assistant morons, vice morons and assistant vice morons exchange places. Some studies have shown that the critical morass actually increases after each transmutation.

Research at other laboratories indicates that Pelosium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate at certain points such as government agencies, large corporations, universities, and anywhere there is news coverage occurring. It can usually be found in the newest, best appointed, and best maintained buildings.

Scientists point out that Pelosium is known to be toxic at any level of concentration and can easily block and even destroy any productive reaction where it is allowed to accumulate. It has also been demonstrated to halt all positive forward movement begun by other elements, especially those elements with opposite polarity. Attempts are currently underway to determine how Pelosium can be neutralized or even just controlled, so as to prevent irreversible damage to elements around it, but thus far, results to date do not appear promising.

Astronomy Picture of the Day

M22 and the Wanderers
Image Credit & Copyright: Damian Peach

Explanation: Wandering through the constellation Sagittarius, bright planets Mars and Saturn appeared together in early morning skies over the last weeks. They are captured in this 3 degree wide field-of-view from March 31 in a close celestial triangle with large globular star cluster Messier 22. Of course M22 (bottom left) is about 10,000 light-years distant, a massive ball of over 100,000 stars much older than our Sun. Pale yellow and shining by reflected sunlight, Saturn (on top) is about 82 light-minutes away. Look carefully and you can spot large moon Titan as a pinpoint of light at about the 5 o’clock position in the glare of Saturn’s overexposed disk. Slightly brighter and redder Mars is 9 light-minutes distant. While both planets are moving on toward upcoming oppositions, by July Mars will become much brighter still, with good telescopic views near its 2018 opposition a mere 3.2 light-minutes from planet Earth.

Tomorrow’s picture: friggatriskaidekaphobia