Archive | April 14, 2018

THE SPHINX—–WHO

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BOMBS   AWAY.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/trump-announces-strikes-syria-following-suspected-chemical-weapons-attack-assad-n865966

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The Editor:   Is this about the World Health Organization, LL ?

http://www.who.int/en/

Who Cat:  No, I don’t even use the word world anymore, when I am speaking.   How does Trump know who to believe in the alleged Syrian gas attack ?   I would believe a monkey before the  the CIA.   They,  the FBI,  MSM,  and Obama’s leftovers have been lying for two ( 2 ) years to get Trump impeached.  They want a war with ANYONE.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/world/state-dept-monitoring-reports-new-chemical-attack-syria-n863691

This is probably the only true statement Chuck has made in years.

https://nypost.com/2017/01/11/schumer-predicted-intelligence-officials-would-get-back-at-trump/

Who is this woman ?   After a couple of minutes of listening to her,  I would jump in a barrel of tarantulas.

https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/13/North-Carolina-restaurant-unveils-tarantula-burger/3881523629294/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=6

Who ate the Sara Lee ?

FOR THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER Hollywood Squares:

hs 


These great questions and answers are from the days when ‘ Hollywood Squares’ game
show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host
asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?

A. Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive,
is it okay to come out and ask him if he’s married?

A. Rose Marie: No. Wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say ‘I Love You’?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are ‘Do It,’ ‘I Can Help,’ and ‘I Can’t Get Enough’?

A. George Gobel: I don’t know, but it’s coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I’ll give you a gesture you’ll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you’ve just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I’m too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what’s a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two topics at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn’t neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them
on at least two occasions.  What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Q. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?

A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!

(The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

JUST REMEMBER: WE DON’T STOP LAUGHING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD,  WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP LAUGHING.

I was perplexed……

spine

MEDICAL SCHOOL EXAM:

When I took the entrance exam for medical school, I was perplexed by this question:

“Rearrange the letters P-N-E-S-I to spell out the part of the human body that is most useful when erect.”

Those who spelled SPINE became doctors. The rest are in Congress.

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Texas…..

hat

An elderly couple, Rose and Jim, moved to Hamilton, Texas.  Jim had always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, and when he saw that a store was having a big sale on them, he bought a pair and wore them home.

Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and asked his wife, “Notice anything different about me?”

Rose gave him a quick once over and replied, “Nope.”

Frustrated, Jim stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen, this time completely naked except for his new pair of boots.  A little louder this time  he asked,  “Notice anything different NOW?”

Rose looked up and replied, “Jim, what’s different?  It’s hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and it’ll be hanging down tomorrow!!”

Furious now, he yelled, “AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT’S HANGING DOWN, ROSE?”

“No,” she replied.  “But I’m sure you’re going to tell me…” 

“It’s hanging down, because it’s looking at my new boots!!”

With no change of expression whatsoever, Rose replied,

“SHOULDA BOUGHT A HAT.”

 

Fear the truth from old people…….

grandma

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren’t prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know me?’ She responded, ‘Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you’re a big shot when you haven’t the brains to realize you’ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.’

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, ‘Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?’ She again replied, ‘Why yes, I do. I’ve known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He’s lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can’t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.’ The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, ‘If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I’ll send you both to the electric chair.’

(Contributed by Director of TT: KRM)