Archive | May 1, 2018

A Smart Tip

Image result for cartoon  mad waitress

Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.

One turned to the other and said, “You know why I’m going to win this election? Because of my ‘personal touch.’ For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me.”

“Oh, really?” replied the other. “I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you.”


The Editor:  Is this about Campbell’s  Soup, LL ?

Asian  Cat:  I don’t know anymore.  I hope Trump and his new buddies get out of the news quickly.  I can’t keep track of the names.  Campbell’s Alphabet Soup is where they must have picked their names.  We have   Moon Jae-in  from SOKO,  Kim Jong Un  from NOKO,  and  Xi  Jinping  from China.

TE:  Don’t you have a foreign cataspondent in Hong Kong, maybe she could report the important things.

AC:  I do but with all the anxiety and stress over which coiffure to wear she has lost all of her hair.  Half wanted her to wear Un’s buzz cut and half to wear Trump’s dead rat look.  I hope she can endure the pressure.   Here is Ching-A-Ling’s photo.

TE:  That is unfortunate.  Do you have a plan  ” B ” if the place they are meeting has complications ?

Fly Me Cat:  I sure do.  We paid to have the crew of the Asiana  plane that crashed in San Francisco to get extra training.  They only had one mishap, but we corrected that.  We are confident that things will go well.  The other problem that we think we solved was the Democrats on the DMZ, that’s where they get their campaign promises.  We told them that a prayer service was scheduled.  They left like Comey looking for a cameraman/woman.

You can’t make it up.

Dog For Sale

A guy is driving in rural Alabama and he sees a sign in front of a tired
old house with lots of deferred maintenance: ‘Talking Dog For Sale’ He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the

The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

‘You talk?’ he asks.

‘Yep,’ the Lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says ‘So, what’s your story?’

The Lab looks up and says, ‘Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so… I told the CIA.  In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.’

‘I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running…

 But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down.  I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.’

‘I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.’


The guy is amazed.  He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

‘Ten dollars,’ the guy says.

‘Ten dollars?  This dog is amazing!  Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?’

‘Because he lies more than James Comey; He’s never been out of the back yard’.