Archive | November 2018

Dean Martin Celebrity Roast-Ronald Reagan

It is sad that politics have made our entire lives so venomous that humor no longer exists in our world.

I miss people like Dean Martin and Johnny Carson.

I have discovered through life that people who can respond with wit can roll with the punches.

-Sheila-

 

 

THE SPHINX—-NAMES

_______________________________________________________________________

There is no wonder that O and Hill-gal let our people die in Benghazi, they were busy shooting tear gas at our brown brothers and sisters from Central America.  Our news media didn’t mention these attacks on their poor babies and toddlers.

https://www.breitbart.com/border/2018/11/27/obama-used-tear-gas-at-least-80-times-at-border/

_______________________________________________________________________

The Editor:  What is going on with the great name problem, LL ?

https://hotair.com/archives/2018/11/25/professor-ohio-sues-transgender-pronoun-flap/

Ma’am Cat:  I don’t care anymore, if you can’t go by scientific proof what else is a guideline.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/XY_sex-determination_system

Here is a good name for the student mentioned above and Barbara Boxer, who didn’t want to be called Ma’am by a soldier.

Here are the last two.

Ask your bartender….

Image result for cartoon of man under bed

 Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”

.

“Just put yourself in my hands for one year” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”

“How much do you charge?”

“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.

“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.

Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.

“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00.”

A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, so I went and bought me a new pickup truck.

“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?”

“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”

.

It’s always better to get a second opinion.

IF THE SHOE FITS……..

Image result for cartoon of irate woman driver

 
The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.
.
As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.
.
He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.
.
After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.    She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.
.
He said, “I’m very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed your ‘What Would Jesus Do’ bumper sticker, the ‘Choose Life’ license plate holder, the ‘Follow Me to Sunday-School’ bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally ..
.
I assumed you had stolen the car.”
.
                            

SPARE RIB?

 

Image result for adams rib cartoon

Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.  So, God asked him, ‘What’s wrong with you?’   Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
.

God said that He would make Adam a companion And that companion would be called woman.  He said, ‘This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, And when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you – She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, And will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.

She will praise you! She will bear your children. And never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.  ‘She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and Passion whenever you need it.’ Adam asked God, ‘What will a woman like this cost?’

God replied, ‘An arm and a leg.’  Then Adam asked, ‘What can I get for a rib?’   Of course the rest is history………

*
*