Archive | January 10, 2019

Your 2019 reading list of the world’s shortest books!

Image result for world's shortest books funny

MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS 
By Tiger Woods

THINGS I LOVE 
ABOUT MY COUNTRY
 
By Jane Fonda & Michelle Obama
Illustrated by Michael Moore
Foreword by George Soros

MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS 
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA 
By “The Rev Jesse Jackson” 
& “The Rev Al Sharpton”

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL 
By Hillary Clinton

Sequel:
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
 
By Bill Clinton

THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD 
By Bill Gates

THINGS I WOULD
NOT DO FOR MONEY
 
By Dennis Rodman

THINGS WE KNOW
TO BE TRUE
 
By Al Gore & John Kerry

GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC 
By Amelia Earhart

HOW TO LIVE LIFE
TO THE FULLEST
 
By Dr.  Jack Kevorkian

TO ALL THE MEN
WE HAVE LOVED BEFORE
 
By Ellen de Generes
& Rosie O’Donnell

GUIDE TO
DATING ETIQUETTE
 
By Mike Tyson

THE AMISH
PHONE DIRECTORY

MY PLAN TO FIND
THE REAL KILLERS
 
By O. J. Simpson & Casey Anthony

HOW TO DRINK
& DRIVE SAFELY
 
By Ted Kennedy

MY BOOK ON MORALS 
By Bill Clinton
Introduction by “The Rev. Jesse Jackson”
Forward by Tiger Woods & John Edwards

HOW TO WIN
A SUPERBOWL
 
BY THE MINNESOTA VIKINGS

AND, JUST ADDED:

MY COMPLETE KNOWLEDGE
OF MILITARY STRATEGY
 
By Nancy Pelosi

Finally, the shortest book of them all………………….

THINGS I DID TO DESERVE
THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
 
By Barack Obama

21 lessons learned by women who have little boys!

Image result for mixing clorox and brake fluid

1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant..

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even  though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14..) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. ) Fire departments have a 5-10 minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids…

80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

THE SPHINX—-AMERICA’S STATUS

_______________________________________________________________________

Kellyanne takes on CNN Propagandist.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2019/01/08/watch-kellyanne-conway-just-put-jim-acosta-in-his-place-and-its-awesome-n2538718

_______________________________________________________________________

The Editor:  How is America’s status, LL ?

Critical Cat:  Not good, but first let me say this.  One result of the illegal Vietnam war was the innovation of the volunteer army.  The great benefit of this was that a corrupt U.S. government could stay at war in Afghanistan and Iraq for almost twenty years.  There are no demonstrations because only  1 of 1,000 families have soldiers involved.  These patriots have often served 4 tours of duty only to come home and be ignored by the Veterans Administration.  Maybe this is why the military is having trouble filling its needs.

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/01/02/us/army-recruiting-tech-industry-seattle.html

https://www.breitbart.com/national-security/2019/01/04/survey-u-s-military-tired-iraq-afghanistans-occupation/

For what it’s worth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alexander_Fraser_Tytler,_Lord_Woodhouselee

https://www.ucg.org/the-good-news/the-life-cycles-of-empires-lessons-for-america-today

http://www.returnofkings.com/49185/cultural-collapse-theory-the-7-steps-that-lead-to-a-complete-culture-decline

Things sure are messy.  Every one makes their own laws ( sanctuary cities and states ).