Archive | January 29, 2019

THE SPHINX—-EXTRA EDITION

The Editor:  What is the breaking news, LL ?

News Cat:  There is a bunch.  Officers were shot in Houston.

https://www.dallasnews.com/news/crime/2019/01/28/3-houston-police-officers-shot-suspected-reportedly

https://abc13.com/5-houston-police-officers-shot-according-to-hpd-union/5110369/

Check your local news for Polar Vortex information.  Cold weather.  Don’t forget your pets.

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-met-chicago-cold-weather-20190127-story.html

https://nypost.com/video/bottled-water-freezes-instantly-in-cool-science-trick/

https://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article224946305.html

Fancy Nancy permits Trump an audience.  She is a skank.

https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/28/pelosi-invites-trump-to-hold-state-of-the-union-on-february-5.html

Mueller may be finished.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2019/01/28/brace-yourselves-the-mueller-probe-may-finally-be-completed-n2540400

THE SPHINX—-HOW ABOUT IT

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Bill Maher always has been a creep.

https://www.redstate.com/sister-toldjah/2019/01/28/new-low-bill-maher-jokes-sexual-abuse-kids/

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The Editor:  Is that a question, LL ?

Grammar Cat:  No, it’s a statement.  How about the Republican majority Senate expedite some Judges nominated by Trump.  Use the rules like the communist, to our advantage.  Get these small ones out of the way.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2019/01/23/president-trump-just-sent-a-boatload-of-judicial-nominations-to-the-senate-n2539892

Start acting like men instead of movie stars.

Do you recognize this drawing ?  It’s the mother/father of Liberal/Democratic/Progressive thinking.  Here is what inevitably happens when laws aren’t enforced, soon it will work its way up to the rich/political boot-lickers.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/science/2019/01/18/human-family-tree-just-gained-new-member-scientists-confirm/

https://newyork.cbslocal.com/2019/01/21/subways-homeless-taking-over-cars/

Before long NYC will be like Russia.

https://www.traveller24.com/News/watch-in-moscow-the-stray-dogs-know-how-to-ride-the-subway-better-than-you-20181007

Power Outage

Image result for cartoon pics of electronic gadgets

During a recent power outage my PC, Laptop, TV, DVD, IPAD, and a new surround sound system were all shut down. Also my cell phone battery was dead. To make matters worse it was raining so I couldn’t play golf.

So I go to the kitchen to make coffee, OOPS, the coffee maker requires power, so I sit down and talked to my wife for a couple of hours.

You know, she seems like a nice person.

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Grammatically Correct Animal

Image result for pic of 2 mongoose

The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: “I would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.”

He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word “mongooses.” Then he deleted the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: “I would like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience.”

Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over. “Everyone knows no fully stocked zoo should be without a mongoose,” he typed. “Please send us two of them.”

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Political Philosophies Simplified

 

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:  You have two cows.  The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

AN AMERICAN REPUBLICAN:  You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

AN AMERICAN DEMOCRAT:  You have two cows.  Your neighbor has none.  You feel guilty for being successful.  You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax.  The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:  You have two cows.  The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:  You have two cows.  The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.  You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  They are mad.  They die. Pass the shepherd’s pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.  You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION:  You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You enter into a partnership with an American corporation.  Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION:  You have two cows.  You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION:  There are these two Jewish cows, right?  They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?

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