Archive | February 6, 2019

Jokes That Can Be Told In Church

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school
after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.
One said to the other, ‘What do you think about
all this Satan stuff?’
The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how
Santa Claus turned out
It’s probably just your Dad..’

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color
of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’
The child thought about this for a moment then said,
‘So why is the groom wearing black?’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about
their fathers.
The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words
on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’
The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’
The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad
scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

An elderly woman died last month.
Having never married, she requested no male
pallbearers.
In her handwritten instructions for her memorial
service, she wrote,
‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive,
I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A police recruit was asked during the exam,
‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’
He answered, ‘Call for backup.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.
A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a babysitter.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy
father and thy mother,’ she asked,
‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
‘Thou shall not kill.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Sunday School they were teaching how God
created everything, including human beings.
Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they
told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him lying
down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’
Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You don’t stop laughing because you grow old..
You grow old because you stop laughing!
Take heed and pass these along to people who
need a laugh.
I thought you would enjoy this….times are tough
right now…for all of us…so we need something to make the day a happy place.

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“They haven’t found a way to tax you for
laughing yet, but the new Governor of California is working on it.”

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That Horrible M Word……..

Have you ever wondered why it is OK to make jokes about:

Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims?

Well, it’s time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our friends, the Muslims, on this grandiose list.

So Jeff Foxworthy did his part to include the Muslims on his list …

You may be a Muslim if:

You grow and refine heroin for a living, but morally
object to the use of liquor.

You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket
launcher, but can’t afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth..

You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon to be unclean.

You think vests come in two styles, Bullet-proof and suicide.

You can’t think of anyone who you haven’t declared jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses, other than setting off roadside bombs.

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

You find this offensive.

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Freedom Is not Free!

INCOMING GUNFIRE ALWAYS HAS THE RIGHT-OF-WAY!

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THE SPHINX—–THIS ARTICLE IS SATIRE

The  Editor:  For our loyal readers in the  DC-Virginia swamp hog wallow, what is satire, LL ?

https://www.google.com/search?source=hp&ei=YyZbXNTuPMLIsQXWnL6ABw&q=satire+meaning+merriam+webster&oq=satire+webster&gs_l=psy-ab.1.2.0j0i22i30l2.3962.13922..17576…0.0..0.224.1612.7j6j1……0….1..gws-wiz…..0..0i131j0i10.CFFP3z0jmiI

Vaudeville Cat:  It’s making fun of stupid people to show just how stupid they are.  The Governor, Lieutenant Governor, and Attorney General have all used ” blackface”.  I assume they were trying to be humorous/funny.  Here is one article that includes all three.  The LT. Governor also has been accused of a sexual assault.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2019/02/06/herring-blackface-n2540909

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/guybenson/2019/02/05/accusation-against-virginia-democrat-should-be-taken-seriously-but-evidence-is-crucial-n2540810

THIS IS A SATIRE OF THE VIRGINIA DEMOCRATS. It is also a history of early American entertainment.  Our younger loyal readers might get an understanding of why ” blackface” is not appropriate.

Here are our Democratic heros practicing for their new jobs.  The one in the chair used a brown colored makeup.

 

 

LOIS LION SAYS, ” I SURE HOPE ALL POLITICIANS HAVE LEARNED THEIR LESSON. YOU CAN RUN….BUT YOU CAN’T HIDE.”