WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY
I investigate stories…. Just Because…. inquiring minds want to know. Did you know that Elizabeth Warren was a registered Republican in Pennsylvania and Massachusetts? She did not change parties until she was 47 years old and working as a Harvard professor.
Now, when I hear a rumor of this magnitude….I take it very serious. Tolley’s Topics has no financial limitations when we are investigating potential future presidents. When we first opened shop here at Tolley’s Topics…we went to great lengths to find the best sleuth dog that money could buy. We attended great gatherings of potential candidates.
After the humans at Tolley’s Topics narrowed the search down to ten of the best sleuth dogs in the world, we turned the final decision over to Lois Lion. After much deliberation, her decision was a dog named Gumshoe. I personally was not really impressed with Gumshoe when we first met. He seemed a little too relaxed to be an alert sleuth dog.
A smart person never questions Lois Lion….so Gumshoe became part of our team. We sent him off to find the answer to this question: If Elizabeth Warren was once a pale-skin registered Republican, how did she become a Native American Democrat? We waited patiently. Lois Lion was in constant contact with Gumshoe through Skype and every other electronic device available. She assured us that he would dig until he found all the facts. After I saw some pictures of Gumshoe hard at work, I had no doubt.
I got the final report back today but copies are very limited due to a paper shortage. The Mueller Report has created havoc for our paper supply. I am very disappointed that AOC did not insist on having only one copy for congress. They could have gathered together in the conference room, eat kale and passed their copy around. They actually needed no copy at all because, as we know, their opinion was formulated when their witch hunt began over two years ago.
But, getting back to the question that Gumshoe has answered for us: If Elizabeth Warren was once a pale-skin registered Republican, how did she become a Native American Democrat?
The scoop is that, Elizabeth traveled out west….supposedly to investigate some bankruptcy claims for our government. She happened upon some Indians sitting around in a circle, smoking a peace pipe and having a really good time. She joined the circle and had a few tokes of the Wacky Tobaccy. Then she joined Chief Running Bear in his tee pee for some Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies and Honey Buns.
Gumshoe’s sources are very reliable. They assured him that some wampum changed hands in the Chief’s quarters. They are certain because when Elizabeth exited his tee pee she had a very nice headdress and a banner around her neck that declared her as being “Princess Fauxcahontas.”
Gumshoe assures me that his facts are Rock Solid.
Come to think of it, he did say it with a “Wink and a Nod.” Gumshoe may be a Senator one day.