Archive | September 2019

The Church – Changing With the Times

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The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, ”You had a

good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater

seats . It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills

first now.”


The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, ”And you told

me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people

back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock ‘n

roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the



”Thank you, Father,” answered the young priest. ”I am pleased that

you are open to the new ideas of youth.”


”All of these ideas have been well and good,” said the elderly

priest, ”But I’m afraid you’ve gone too far with the drive-thru


”But, Father,” protested the young priest, ”my confessions and the

donations have nearly doubled since I began that!”


”Yes,” replied the elderly priest, ”and I appreciate that. But the

flashing neon sign, ‘Toot ‘n Tell or Go to Hell’ cannot stay on the

church roof!”



In the old days…..

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 The next time you have little complaints, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500’s.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins.  Families would all pee in a pot, then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery.  If you had to do this to survive you were “Piss Poor”.  But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn’t even afford to buy a pot – they “didn’t have a pot to piss in”, and were the lowest of the low.

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell . .. . Brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, “Don’t throw the baby out with the Bath water!”

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying “It’s raining cats and dogs..”

With the thatched roofs there was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That’s how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying, “Dirt poor.” The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed across the entrance-way to keep the thresh in. Hence: a thresh hold (“threshold”).

(Getting quite an education, aren’t you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old.”

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, “bring home the bacon.” They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and “chew the fat”.

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the “upper crust”.

Cups made of lead were used to drink ale or whiskey. The combination of the lead leached out by the alcohol would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a “wake”.

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house, and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through a hole in the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the “graveyard shift”) to listen for the bell. Thus, someone could be “saved by the bell” or was considered a “dead ringer”.

And that’s the truth! Now, whoever said History was boring?




There is snow out West.


The Editor:   Do you ever wonder why you went into reporting the news, LL ?

Answer Cat;  I sure do. Sometimes I want to climb a tall tree and jump out.  I tried it once and Amigo washed me down with a water hose.  This always cheers me up.  I wonder if the jokers in the second link are flying on  AIR FORCE ONE.

Here are some interesting items.

TE:  What’s the story on impeachment, AC ?

The Demowarthogs are just giving Republicans more reason to get out the vote.

What fools the dems are, goodness gracious.

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Orion Rising over Brazil
Image Credit & Copyright: Carlos Fairbairn

Explanation: Have you seen Orion lately? The next few months will be the best for seeing this familiar constellation as it rises continually earlier in the night. However, Orion’s stars and nebulas won’t look quite as colorful to the eye as they do in this fantastic camera image. In the featured image, Orion was captured by camera showing its full colors last month over a Brazilian copal tree from Brazil‘s Central-West Region. Here the cool red giant Betelgeuse takes on a strong orange hue as the brightest star on the far left. Otherwise, Orion’s hot blue stars are numerous, with supergiant Rigel balancing Betelgeuse at the upper right, Bellatrix at the upper left, and Saiph at the lower right. Lined up in Orion’s belt (bottom to top) are Alnitak, Alnilam, and Mintaka all about 1,500 light-years away, born of the constellation’s well studied interstellar clouds. And if a “star” toward the upper right Orion’s sword looks reddish and fuzzy to you, it should. It’s the stellar nursery known as the Great Nebula of Orion.

Tomorrow’s picture: unsafe horizons

A Happy Birthday Greeting

Happy Birthday to my niece, Cindy Selph. She has always loved Unicorns and the color purple……..with this posting…. Tolley’s Topics wishes a Very Happy Birthday to Cindy!

(The Irish Rovers have dedicated a song to Cindy. It is “ready for play” below her birthday greeting …Because, “The Loveliest Of All Is The Unicorn”…..enjoy.)


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