School Answering Machine


Scotch with two drops of water

Image result for scotch


A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.
As the bartender gives her the drink she says, “I’m on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it’s today.”

The bartender says “Well, since it’s your birthday, I’ll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.”

As the woman finishes her drink the woman to her right says, “I would like to buy you a drink, too. “The old woman says, “Well, thank you. Bartender, I’ll have another Scotch with two drops of water.”  “Coming up,” says the bartender.

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, “I would like to buy you one, too.  “The old woman says, “Thank you. Bartender, I’ll have another Scotch with two drops of water.”  “Coming right up.” the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, “Ma’am, I’m dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?”

The old woman replies, “Sonny, when you’re my age, you’ve learned how to hold your liquor… holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.”


The Princess and the Queen……

My flight was being served by an obviously Gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.

As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and told us that “Captain Marvel has asked me to announce that he will be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”

On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather Arabic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle.

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines but I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground.”

She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am called a Princess and I take orders from no one.”

To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied. without missing a beat…..

“Well, Sweet Cheeks, in my country, I am called a Queen, so I outrank you.





In September of 2005, on the first day of school, Martha Cothren, a History teacher at Robinson High School in Little Rock, did something not to be forgotten. On the first day of school, with the permission of the school superintendent, the principal and the building supervisor, she removed all of the desks in her classroom. 

When the first period kids entered the room they discovered that there were no desks. 

‘Ms. Cothren, where are our desks?’ 

She replied, ‘You can’t have a desk until you tell me how you earn the right to sit at a desk.’ 
They thought, ‘Well, maybe it’s our grades’ ‘No,’ she said. 
‘Maybe it’s our behavior.’ She told them, ‘No, it’s not even your behavior.’ 
And so, they came and went, the first period, second period, third period. Still no desks in the classroom. Kids called their parents to tell them what was happening and by early afternoon television news crews had started gathering at the school to report about this crazy teacher who had taken all the desks out of her room. 
The final period of the day came and as the puzzled students found seats on the floor of the desk-less classroom. Martha Cothren said, ‘Throughout the day, no one has been able to tell me just what he or she has done to earn the right to sit at the desks that are ordinarily found in this classroom. Now I am going to tell you.’ 
At this point, Martha Cothren went over to the door of her classroom and opened it. Twenty-seven (27) U.S. Veterans walked into that classroom, each one carrying a school desk. The Vets began placing the school desks in rows, and then they would walk over and stand alongside the wall. By the time the last soldier had set the final desk in place those kids started to understand, perhaps for the first time in their lives, just how the right to sit at those desks had been earned. 
Martha said, ‘You didn’t earn the right to sit at these desks. These heroes did it for you. They placed the desks here for you. They went halfway around the world, giving up their education and interrupting their careers and families so you could have the freedom you have. Now, it’s up to you to sit in them. It is your responsibility to learn, to be good students, to be good citizens. They paid the price so that you could have the freedom to get an education. Don’t ever forget it.’ 

By the way, this is a true story. And this teacher was awarded the Veterans of Foreign Wars Teacher of the Year for the State of Arkansas in 2006. She is the daughter of a WWII POW. 

Do you think this email is worth passing along so others won’t forget either, that the freedoms we have in this great country were earned by our U.S Veterans?… I did. 

Let us always remember the men and women of our military and the rights they have won for us.




The NYT needs to be sued.


The Editor:  Are you a student of history, LL ?

Professor Peabody Cat:  I sure am, here are some examples.  The first is Pocahontas’ ancestors.  They really were associated with Native Americans.

The second is Hillgal actually on video during a history making fall.  This one was almost as bad as her Presidential Fall.

Here she is in a ” fantasy dream “.

This book shows how lies have consequences.

These investors want to keep making money, with make believe meat.

Nadler is a repulsive penguin weuk, weuk.  He and Airplane Nancy live in Fantasyland.  I hope they do vote to impeach, and solidify Republican voters.

Today’s Accidental Invention…Popsicles

Believe it or not, the popsicle’s creator was none other than an 11-year-old boy named Frank Epperson, who simply mixed some soda powder with water and left it out overnight with the stirrer still in entirely by accident. When he woke up in the morning, Epperson decided to lick his frozen soda blend, and he found that it actually tasted, well, pretty delicious. Originally, the young entrepreneur declared his concoction the Epsicle (combining the word icicle with his name), but he later amended the name to popsicle, as children would refer to the ice pops as “Pop’s ‘Sicle” anyway.

Fruit pops