Archive | September 17, 2019

ON MY SOAPBOX…My Syndicated Newspaper Job

Image result for soapbox free pics

WRITTEN BY: SHEILA TOLLEY

 

It is certainly no secret that I enjoy writing. In the past, I had a newspaper column in The Upson Home Journal (Upson County, Georgia) titled… Think About This. My column was printed weekly for over five years. I also authored a column for The Meriwether Free Press (Meriwether County, Georgia) for a shorter  time frame. But, C’mon now, every writer’s dream is to be syndicated in newspapers across The United States….like Lewis Grizzard, Dave Barry, Charles Krauthammer, etc.

The closest I ever came to fulfilling that dream was having dinner with Lewis Grizzard in Macon, Georgia after a book signing & stage show and receiving a letter from the late, Judge Andrew Whalen, stating that he considered my writing to be equivalent to that of  Lewis Grizzard.

That is until now…My lifelong dream has finally been fulfilled. I have been given a syndicated contract with the The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Los Angeles Times. I am so proud of myself. My first assignment from the syndicate is to “Dive Deep And Find Facts That Have Never Been Released.” You tell me, is this a dream job or what?

I am so excited. I am posting my first revelations here on Tolley’s Topics before I send them across the magic airwaves to the newspapers:

1. Nancy Pelosi had a sex change operation after she fathered her five children.

2. Al Sharpton was born to Swedish parents and is not a natural born citizen of The United States. He was a participant in a free scientific experiment of Melanin injections. His parents were assured the results would be temporary, but;  as often happens, the government lied. He was born, Ludvig Nils Larsson in the little town of Jokkmokk, Sweden. In fact, Al was one of the first people to be given a new identity and free admission into the United States under the witness protection program. After a couple extra melanin injections and a Perm by Toni..the Wright Brothers brought him to our great country.

3. Bernie Sanders is actually the Grandfather of the original Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

4. Michelle Obama was put on probation after she shoved her penis into the face of Valerie Jarrett at a drunken party in Chicago.

5. Ilhan Omar is not really a Muslim. She escaped from the top-secret U.S. Air Force Base, commonly known as Area 51. It is imperative that her alien antennae stay intact so you will never see her without a head wrap.

6. Kamala Harris is Ludvig Nils Larsson’s, AKA,  Al Sharpton’s love child.

7. Elizabeth Warren was arrested for Public Indecency. She was doing the YMCA dance NAKED in her Indian Headdress . Five people punched their own eyes out. Lawsuits are pending.

8. Robert Francis “Beto” O’Rourke is the Great Grandson of the original Frito Bandito. History truly is an endless loop.

9. Peter Paul Montgomery Buttigieg, is so confident that he has contracted Sherwin Williams to paint the white-house in rainbow colors and is changing the national anthem to “Somewhere Over The Rainbow.”

10. Joe Biden had another memory flashback… Something about lining a bunch of people against a wall at Chicago’s north side and shooting them on Saint Valentines’ Day.

I do hope you have enjoyed the updates from “My Deep Dive Into The Liberal World.”

As always, I take my commitments very seriously. My contract from The New York Times, The Washington Post and The Los Angeles Times stated that I must never “LET THE TRUTH INTERFERE WITH MY FACTS.”  I fully intend to follow those rules.

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I’m Just Reading…..

Image result for just reading in a boat

One morning, a husband returns the family boat to their lakeside cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up, and begins to read her book. The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, “Good morning, Ma’am. What are you doing?”

“Reading a book,” she replies, (thinking, “Isn’t that obvious?”).

“You’re in a Restricted Fishing Area,” he informs her.

“I’m sorry, officer, but I’m not fishing. I’m reading.”

“Yes, but I see you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I’ll have to take you in and write you up.”

“If you do that, I’ll have to charge you with sexual assault,” says the woman.

“But I haven’t even touched you,” says the Game Warden.

“That’s true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment.”

“Have a nice day ma’am,” and he left.

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THE SPHINX—-DOLDRUMS

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FUTURE ARTICLES ABOUT TRUMP AND KAVANAUGH’S IMPEACHMENT ARE SO OUR LOYAL READERS ARE KEPT INFORMED.  THEY ARE LIES, BUT WE HOPE THEY MOTIVATE THE CONSERVATIVES TO VOTE.

https://pjmedia.com/trending/latest-kavanaugh-accuser-was-hillarys-lawyer-in-clinton-impeachment/

https://www.nationalreview.com/2019/09/the-new-york-times-anti-kavanaugh-bombshell-is-actually-a-dud/

https://www.freep.com/story/money/cars/2019/09/15/uaw-strike-gm-autoworker-contract-talks/2333883001/

https://www.newsmax.com/finance/streettalk/oil-gas-saudi-drone/2019/09/15/id/932780/

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The Editor:  What are the doldrums, LL ?

https://www.google.com/search?client=firefox-b-1-d&q=doldrums+meaning

Clipper Ship Cat:  They are a lack of wind near the equator.  In the olden days sailing ships were almost helpless.

https://www.dutchtallships.com/story/the-dreaded-doldrums

TE:  Does D.C. ever  experience the doldrums, CSC ?

Cutty Sark Cat:  It sure does, especially in August.  Congress is out of town.  It is their last chance to spend a full month high on drugs and liquor.  Most also want to get back to their districts to have sex with teenagers before school begins.  Epstein’s  mysterious demise put a crimp in a bunch of sex. They only work about a hundred and thirty ( 130 ) days a year. 

https://www.smacna.org/docs/default-source/advocacy/2019-congressional-calendar—web.pdf?sfvrsn=b3b9cba5_4

https://www.rmg.co.uk/cutty-sark

Michelle Malkin is fighting the Maryland doldrums.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/timothymeads/2019/09/13/michelle-malkin-takes-on-illegal-immigration-in-one-of-americas-worst-counties-n2553067

The other Michelle is making some ” pay-off ” money for Obama’s favors while in office.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2019/09/14/michelle-obama-selling-tickets-as-high-as-4200-for-latest-event/

This is where the Atlantic and Pacific meet, there are no doldrums here.

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Water Vapor Discovered on Distant Exoplanet
Illustration Credit: ESA, NASA, Hubble; Artist: M. Kornmesser

Explanation: Where else might life exist? One of humanity’s great outstanding questions, locating planets where extrasolar life might survive took a step forward recently with the discovery of a significant amount of water vapor in the atmosphere of distant exoplanet K2-18b. The planet and it parent star, K2-18, lie about 124 light years away toward the constellation of the Lion (Leo). The exoplanet is significantly larger and more massive than our Earth, but orbits in the habitable zone of its home star. K2-18, although more red than our Sun, shines in K2-18b‘s sky with a brightness similar to the Sun in Earth’s sky. The discovery was made in data from three space telescopes: Hubble, Spitzer, and Kepler, by noting the absorption of water-vapor colors when the planet moved in front of the star. The featured illustration imagines exoplanet K2-18b on the right, its parent red dwarf star K2-18 on the left, and an unconfirmed sister planet between them.

Tomorrow’s picture: lightning up

Today’s Accidental Invention…Coca-Cola

The man who created the syrup for Coca-Cola was not a chef—or even in the food industry. Rather, the soda’s inventor was a pharmacist by the name of Dr. John Stith Pemberton, who was seeking to create a cocaine- and caffeine-filled alcoholic drink that people with chemical addictions to drugs (including himself) could use to wean off of morphine and other drugs. However, when Prohibition hit, Pemberton was forced to take the alcohol out of his formula (though the cocaine remained for decades), and thus the first bottle of Coca-Cola was made in 1886.

Woman drinking soda, words with different meanings