Archive | September 26, 2019

Smiles…..

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.  Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?’ 

Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. ‘Young man, we’re both 90 years old, ‘ the husband said ..’We may not have 45 minutes.’ They were seated immediately. 

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The reason Politicians  try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed. 

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 All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. 

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Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, ‘When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?’ 

Artie said: ‘ I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.’ 

Eugene  commented: ‘I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.’ 

Al said: ‘I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’ 

***

 
Smith climbs to the top of  Mt. Sinai  to get close enough to talk to God.  Looking up, he asks the Lord… ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’ 

The Lord replies, ‘A minute.’ 
Smith asks, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’

The Lord replies, ‘A penny.’ 
‘Smith asks, ‘Can I have a penny?’ 
‘The Lord replies, ‘In a minute.’ 

***

A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.  Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy.  What do you think I should do?’ 
‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm down.  Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?
‘ 

***

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Give me one last request, dear,’he said. 
‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly. 
‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry Bob.’ 
‘But I thought you hated Bob,’ she said. 
With his last breath John said, ‘I do!’
 

***

A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’

The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ 
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’ 
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’ 
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me,
 what should I do?’ 
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’ 
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to
 her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’ 
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’ 

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THE SPHINX—WHY I VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS

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THEY NEED TO TEST THE DEMOCRATS AND NEWS JOKERS FOR DRUGS.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2019/09/25/breaking-here-is-the-phone-transcript-between-trump-and-ukraine-n2553621

https://thefederalist.com/2019/09/23/like-russian-collusion-ukraine-hysteria-is-pure-projection-by-media-and-democrats/

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/cortneyobrien/2019/09/25/pelosi-i-havent-read-the-transcript-but-its-damning-n2553672

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The Editor:  Did you vote Democratic, LL ?

I Would Rather Vote For A Dumpster Rat Cat:  No, but if I did here are some short videos that would sure make me think how much the Dems love democracy/freedom and how they could improve America if they had more power.

They certainly are knowledgeable and entertaining.  For sure, The Penguin will have Russian Collusion ( like the name of his sheep ) on his tombstone, if his body is permitted to be buried on American soil.

Here is Nadler collecting campaign money.

When Hank moved to DC, the IQ of both Georgia and DC went up.

Sheila Jackson Lee has always been an uninformed Progressive/DemocRAT.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bethbaumann/2019/09/23/watch-sheila-jackson-lees-take-on-ar-15s-reiterates-how-little-she-knows-about-n2553510

These people need intervention from a higher power.

Today’s Accidental Invention…Dry Cleaning

Though the inventor of dry cleaning, Jean Baptiste Jolly, did work in the clothing industry as a textile maker, his discovery of a revolutionary new cleaning method was completely by accident. It was only when his maid accidentally knocked a kerosene lamp over onto a tablecloth that Jolly observed that the kerosene actually made the cloth cleaner, thus spawning the idea for the very first dry cleaner.

Dry cleaning shop

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Da Vinci Rise
Image Credit & Copyright: Likai Lin

Explanation: An old Moon rose this morning, its waning sunlit crescent shining just above the eastern horizon before sunrise. But earthshine, light reflected from a bright planet Earth, lit the shadowed portion of the lunar disk and revealed most of a familiar lunar near side to early morning risers. In fact, a description of earthshine in terms of sunlight reflected by Earth’s oceans illuminating the Moon’s dark surface was written over 500 years ago by Leonardo da Vinci. One lunation ago this old Moon also rose above the eastern horizon. Its sunlit crescent and da Vinci glow were captured in stacked exposures from the Badain Jilin Desert of Inner Mongolia, China on August 29, 2019. This year marks the 500th anniversary of Leondardo da Vinci’s death.

Tomorrow’s picture: annotated GC