One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot
The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.
When she asked me why, I replied,
“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said, ‘Do you want to have sex?’
‘No,’ she answered.
I then said,‘Is that your final answer?’
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying, ‘Yes..’
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”
He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”
“Nah, she can order for herself.”
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, “What’s on TV?”
I said, “Dust.”
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, “I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 165 in about 2 seconds.”
I bought her a bathroom scale.
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s License to verify my age.
I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt’.
So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.’
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
“I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
I replied, “Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.”
I rear-ended a car this morning…the start of a REALLY bad day!
The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
He looked up at me and said ‘I am NOT Happy!’
So I said, ‘Well, which one ARE you then?’
The Editor: What happened with Barbie, LL ?
Justice Cat: First, here is a little Barbie history. The Democrats hate her for being a Caucasian, heterosexual, female.
The Democratic House members wanted to make her testify about her overseas travels so Trump made her a judge.
She told them to buzz off. The Dems tampered with the tape, she said ” what the f*** is going on, Joe Biden? “
This is an incompetent crook, maybe he has a House of Representative future.
News from around the Washington, D.C. Foreign Agent Beltway.
The NBA will put a Chinese Communist Flag on their Nikes instead of the Betsy Ross Flag.
WGN 01-61-01 – Kymulga CB – Built in 1861 – Spans Talladega Creek in Kymulga Grist Mill Park, east of Coosa Pines, Talladega County – 105 feet long – Howe Trusses
According to the 1936 Alabama DOT inventory, this bridge had a 100′ covered span and ten uncovered spans; 8 at 14′ and 2 at 12′. Kymulga Mill & Covered Bridge are two locally owned historic landmarks located at Kymulga Park. Both structures, dating back to the American Civil War, were restored in 1974 and were listed on the National Register of Historic Places on October 29, 1976. The Childersburg Heritage Committee purchased the tract in 1988, and with help from the Alabama Historical Commission and the Talladega County Commission, established Kymulga Park. More structural renovations were made as well. There is an admission charge to visit the park, with proceeds being used for upkeep of all structures and nature trails within this historic recreation area. Kymulga Park was acquired by the City of Childersburg in June 2011. It is currently managed by the Childersburg Historic Preservation Commission. The bridge once provided access to the Old Georgia Road, a Native American trade route which was used by settlers and frontiersmen who traveled into the area. The United States government purchased land adjacent to Kymulga Mill in 1941 for the Alabama Ordnance Works, a military installation. Settlements within the tract had to be relocated.
PHOTOS BY: BILL BOWSER…..FROM CINCINNATI, OHIO