Chinese Wuhan CV-19 Humor

I hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the real world.  I think we’ll all need the time to become ourselves again.  And by “ourselves” I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair, and get used to not drinking at 9:00 a.m. 

New monthly budget:  Gas $0, Entertainment $0, Clothes $0, Groceries $2,799.

Breaking News:  Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended.  Not so much to stop COVI D-19, but to stop eating.

When this quarantine is over, let’s not tell some people.

I stepped on my scale this morning.  It said: “Please practice social distancing.  Only one person at a time on the scale.”

It may take a village to raise a child, but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.

You know those car commercials where there’s only vehicle on the road?  Doesn’t seem so unrealistic these days.

They may open things up next month — I’m staying in until July to see what happens to you all first. 

Day 56:  The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening, so we can start lifting restrictions now. Or could it be….. “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now.”

Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.

I am home schooling. The first day I tried to get my kid transferred out of my class.

Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.

Okay, so the schools are closed.  Do we drop the kids off at the teacher’s house?


– – – – –

I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only.   A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her cane.

He returned and tried to cut in again, but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and rolled him away. As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, “If you people don’t let me unlock the door, none of you will ever get in to shop.”

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