This is funny……The Drunk Scotsman Lyrics

Flying was fun in the old (pre-covid) days….Remember the funny airline announcements?

Image result for funny pics for funny airline crew announcements

1. “Today’s flight should take about 3 hours, but luckily I know a shortcut so we might be a little early.”

2. “If you don’t like humor we have exits.”

3. “Sorry about the bumpy landing. It’s not the captain’s fault. It’s not the co-pilot’s fault. It’s the Asphalt.”

4. After a bumpy landing: “That was a rough one. Since you all survived we expect you to keep all those promises that you just made.”

5. “We’ll be dimming the lights to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

6. “There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

7. “Your menu choices are chicken or pasta. If we’re out of your choice by the time we get to you, don’t worry, they all taste the same.”

8. Pilot asks before take off if this is the first time flying for anyone to press the flight attendant button. When no one pressed the button he said “Good, then I’m the only one.”

9. “When exiting the plane please watch out for the low overhead door. If you forget, please watch your language.”

10. “Please keep your seat belts fastened and enjoy our complimentary turbulence.”

11. “In the unlikely event of a water landing, just think of the incredible story you’ll be able to tell your grandchildren.”

12. “You will find the safety briefing card in your seat pocket. It is beautiful and has lots of nice pictures.”

13. “Cabin crew are coming by hoping you will tell them how good looking they are.”

14. “For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?”

15. “The yellow button is your reading light. Please don’t press the orange button unless you absolutely have to. The orange button is your ejector seat button.”

16. “On an early morning flight I noticed a few ladies who forgot to put on their makeup this morning. I’ll be dimming the lights for your convenience.”

17. “To activate oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute.”

18. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you and remember, nobody loves you or your money, more than Southwest Airlines.”

19. “Folks it has been great having you flying with us today. But just like my Dad said to me the day I turned 18: get out.”

20. “Now that we’re here I’ll tell you the same thing my mother told me: Get your bags and get out!”


Thursday Smiles…



What a sale, gas is $2.20 per gallon.


This is why elections ( the future ) are hard to predict.  If it was easy, millionaires wouldn’t be making ads.


The All Shook Up Editor:  What are your love stories about, LL ?

The Fuzzy Tree Cat:  These are love stories from ads and social media.  The Polaroids are a peek into the past.

These are James and Mariette.

The coffee ads were more serious.

It now looks like love is in the air on Twitter.  Hate speech is out and love is in, for Christmas.

Musk might pay her $8.00 Twitter fee.

Cotton is trying.


Average citizens don’t have taxpayer funded security personnel like politicians have.


These two women are the type of person needed to be Speaker of the House.  Nancy can retire to obscurity.  Can you name any Speaker from 20 years ago ?

Boebert is great.

Montana and North Dakota are interested in having the Canadian provinces of Alberta, and Saskatchewan join them as additions to their states.  They might accept British Columbia, Yukon, Northwest Territory, Newfoundland,  even Quebec will be welcome once the French speakers are sent to Paris or Havana.

Watch for my special on Justin Trudeau being the love child of Fidel Castro.

Spam’s Figgy Pudding sells out.

We know this, but the Media doesn’t care—which means the average American is ignorant of the facts.

So long Yoel, you have reached your station in life.

Warnock wins Georgia Senate race.

The HOR Republicans must play hardball.

Big cats will get protection.