Dealing with the Squirrels


The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation.  After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.

At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery.  The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves.  The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.

The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures.  So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church.  Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.

The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning.  They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.

But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy!  They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church  Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue.  They took the first squirrel and circumcised him.  They haven’t seen a squirrel since.



3 thoughts on “Dealing with the Squirrels

  1. Ha! I love the little critters, but they can be destructive. I had one that visited my patio and lived in a Texas Elm that overhung that patio. She was a girl, so I named her Daisy. She would eat peanuts from my hand and tired to follow me into the house a few times. She did jump into my lap once and grab the bag of peanuts, and she bit me once, but not fatally. Good post.

      • Thank you. I am working on one now, but can’t stop writing short stories about my crazy family. I’ trying to post less political rants because I realized it doesn’t do a darn bit of good except to make my blood pressure spike.

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