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Because I had forgotten the dates for a number of my friends and relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, I decided to compile a list on the computer and have the dates highlighted on screen when the machine was turned on.

I went to a number of computer stores to find a software program that would do the job, but had no luck at the first few. I finally found one where the clerk seemed experienced.

“Can you recommend something that will remind me of birthdays and anniversaries?” I asked.

“Have you tried a wife?” he replied.

THE SPHINX—–GOVERNMENT SEX, SEX, SEX

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Watch the Georgia Dome get blown up/down Monday Morning.

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/atlanta/this-is-what-the-georgia-dome-implosion-will-look-like/630564407

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The Editor:  Do government superiors have sex with their employees, LL ?

Does Cat:   Does Hershey have chocolate ?  Does Battle Creek have corn flakes ?  Do nuclear reactors leak poison ?   You bet.  Let me start with ole Bill & Hill.

In my first life Bill, Hill, and the Democrats showed that it was OK to have sex with people that worked for you.  Even women’s groups like NOW didn’t say a peep.

https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2017/11/reckoning-with-bill-clintons-sex-crimes/545729/

The U.S. House of Representatives abolished their ” Page Program ” because of sexual problems with teenage boys and the Representatives.  The Pages were children of voters in their districts that worked temporarily to see how the world really worked.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_House_of_Representatives_Page

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/29/AR2006092901574.html

https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2017/11/14/Paul-Ryan-orders-mandatory-anti-harassment-training-for-House/5041510698732/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=13

http://thehill.com/homenews/house/360324-lawmakers-describe-pervasive-sexual-harassment-on-capitol-hill

The scandals are so frequent that they have a slush fund to settle the law suits.  In the budget it is listed under male/female whorehopping and teenage sex.

http://ntknetwork.com/15-million-in-taxpayer-money-has-been-paid-out-to-settle-congressional-sexual-harassment-suits/

The truest words ever spoken in DC were ” Don’t get caught with a dead girl or live boy “, and ” If you want a friend-get a dog “.

A Young Law Student, Having Failed His Law Exam, Questions His Professor

A young Law student, having failed his Law exam, goes up to his crusty old professor, who is renowned for his razor-sharp legal mind.

Student: “Sir, do you really understand everything about this subject?”

Professor: “Actually, I probably do. Otherwise I wouldn’t be a professor, would I?”

Student: “OK. So I’d like to ask you a question. If you can give me
the correct answer, I will accept my marks as it is. If you
can’t give me the correct answer, however, you’ll have to give me an “A”.

Professor: “Hmmmm, alright. So what’s the question?”

Student: “What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and
neither logical nor legal?

The professor wracks his famous brain, but just can’t crack the answer.
Finally he gives up and changes the student’s failing mark
into an “A” as agreed, and the student goes away, very pleased.

The professor continues to wrack his brain over the question all
afternoon, but still can’t get the answer. So finally he calls in
a group of his brightest students and tells them he has a really, really
tough question to answer: “What is legal but not logical,
logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?

To the professor’s surprise (and embarrassment), all the students
immediately raise their hands.

“All right” says the professor and asks his favourite student to answer
“It’s quite easy, sir” says the student “You see, you are 75 years old
and married to a 30 year old woman, which is legal, but not
logical.

Your wife has a 22 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal.
And your wife’s lover failed his exam but you’ve just given him
an “A”, which is neither legal, nor logical.”

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.. ‘
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

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The Pope Goes To New York

Pope driving

The Pope goes to New York. He is picked up at the airport by a limousine. He looks at the beautiful car and says to the driver, “You know, I hardly ever get to drive. Would you please let me?”

The driver is understandably hesitant and says, “I’m sorry, but I don’t think I’m supposed to do that.”

But the Pope persists, “Please?” The driver finally lets up. “Oh, all right, I can’t really say no to the Pope.”

So the Pope takes the wheel, and boy, is he a speed demon! He hits the gas and goes around 100 mph in a 45 zone. A policeman notices and pulls him over.

The cop walks up and asks the Pope to roll down the window. Startled and surprised, the young officer asks the Pope to wait a minute. He goes back to his patrol car and radios the chief.

Cop: Chief, I have a problem.

Chief: What sort of problem?

Cop: Well, you see, I pulled over this guy for driving way over the speed limit but it’s someone really important.

Chief: Important like the mayor?

Cop: No, no, much more important than that.

Chief: Important like the governor?

Cop: Way more important than that.

Chief: Like the president?

Cop: More.

Chief: Who’s more important than the president?

Cop: I don’t know, but he’s got the Pope driving for him.

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Fall Out, Soldiers!

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots, fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

THE SPHINX—HOW DID WE GET FROM THERE TO HERE

The Editor:  That title is almost philosophical, LL ?

Nick’s Cat:   It sure is,  Nick is coming up with so many appearances that he might get a guest column.  It will be hard to beat calling the news media ” Rat Poison “.

http://www.ajc.com/sports/video-nick-saban-opens-press-conference-with-rant-blue-jeans/oSe5e1Xvv3oUhfXXipYl4K/

http://www.al.com/alabamafootball/index.ssf/2017/10/nick_saban_rails_on_medias_rat.html

This pill will soon record everything you eat, drink, smoke, and your location.

https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/13/health/digital-pill-fda.html

The Navy must have stolen a plane from Daytona Beach or Peniscola, Florida.

http://www.wtsp.com/news/graphic-obscene-skydrawings-spotted-in-okanogan-co/492521457

This is a great invention.

http://www.breitbart.com/texas/2017/11/16/watch-ziplock-bag-cars-saves-vehicles-flooding/

Breaker Breaker One-Nine Cat:  This might be even better.  If you have it a truck brought it.  The future is still here.

https://www.usatoday.com/story/tech/2017/11/16/tesla-semi-electric-big-rig-truck-rolls-into-reality/873162001/