Two opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner.
One turned to the other and said, “You know why I’m going to win this election? Because of my ‘personal touch.’ For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me.”
“Oh, really?” replied the other. “I always tip a nickel and ask them to vote for you.”
“Have you ever seen a twenty dollar bill all crumpled up?” asked the wife.
“No,” said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, slowly reached into her cleavage and
pulled out a crumpled twenty dollar bill.
“Have you ever seen a fifty all crumpled up?” she asked.
“Uh, no,” he said.
She gave him another sexy little smile, seductively reached into her panties
and pulled out a crumpled fifty dollar bill.
“Now,” she said, “Have you ever seen 40,000 dollars all crumpled up?”
“No,” he said, now really intrigued.
“Well go look in the garage…”
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, “Let’s go over to that restaurant and get something to drink.”
The guy with the Chihuahua said, “We can’t go in there. We’ve got dogs with us.”
The one with the Doberman said, “Just follow my lead.” They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.
The waiter at the door said, “Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Doberman said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The waiter said, “A Doberman pinscher?”
The man said, “Yes, they’re using them now. They’re very good.”
The waiter said, “OK then, come on in.”
The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he’d try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the waiter said, “Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “You don’t understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog.”
The waiter said, “A Chihuahua?”
The man with the Chihuahua said, “A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a Chihuahua??
Black and White
(Under age 35? You won’t understand.)
You could hardly see for all the snow,
Spread the rabbit ears as far as they go.
Pull a chair up to the TV set,
‘Good Night, David. Good Night, Chet.’
My Mom used to cut chicken, chop eggs and spread mayo on the same cutting board with the same knife and no bleach, but we didn’t seem to get food poisoning.
My Mom used to defrost hamburger on the counter AND I used to eat it raw sometimes, too. Our school sandwiches were wrapped in wax paper in a brown paper bag, not in ice-pack coolers, but I can’t remember getting e.coli.
Almost all of us would have rather gone swimming in the lake instead of a pristine pool (talk about boring), no beach closures then.
The term cell phone would have conjured up a phone in a jail cell, and a pager was the school PA system.
We all took gym, not PE . and risked permanent injury with a pair of high top Ked’s (only worn in gym) instead of having cross-training athletic shoes with air cushion soles and built in light reflectors. I can’t recall any injuries, but they must have happened because they tell us how much safer we are now.
Flunking gym was not an option, even for stupid kids! I guess PE must be much harder than gym.
Speaking of school, we all said prayers and sang the national anthem, and staying in detention after school caught all sorts of negative attention.
We must have had horribly damaged psyches. What an archaic health system we had then. Remember school nurses? Ours wore a hat and everything.
I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.
I just can’t recall how bored we were without computers, Play Station, Nintendo, X-box or 270 digital TV cable stations.
Oh yeah … and where was the Benadryl and sterilization kit when I got that bee sting? I could have been killed!
We played ‘king of the hill’ on piles of gravel left on vacant construction sites, and when we got hurt, Mom pulled out the 48-cent bottle of Mercurochrome (kids liked it better because it didn’t sting like iodine did) and then we got our butt spanked. Now it’s a trip to the emergency room, followed by a 10-day dose of a $49 bottle of antibiotics, and then Mom calls the attorney to sue the contractor for leaving a horribly vicious pile of gravel where it was such a threat.
We didn’t act up at the neighbor’s house either because if we did, we got our butt spanked there and then we got butt spanked again when we got home.
I recall a friend from next door coming over and doing his tricks on the front step, just before he fell off. Little did his Mom know that she could have owned our house. Instead, she picked him up and swatted him for being such a goof. It was a neighborhood run amuck.
To top it off, not a single person I knew had ever been told that they were from a dysfunctional family. How could we possibly have known that?
We needed to get into group therapy and anger management classes? We were obviously so duped by so many societal ills that we didn’t even notice that the entire country wasn’t taking Prozac! How did we ever survive?
LOVE TO ALL OF US WHO SHARED THIS ERA, AND TO ALL WHO DIDN’T; SORRY FOR WHAT YOU MISSED. I WOULDN’T TRADE IT FOR ANYTHING.
Remember that life’s most simple pleasures are very often the best.
Fredo is in the news. He isn’t like Calvin.
Texans tell Al Sharpton to take his race-baiting back to New York City. Maybe Americans are waking up.
Speaking of NYC, we have another poorly constructed building.
Maxine is an inspiration. In 30 years she has done as much for the Haitians as the Clintons.
Joe keeps on giving.
The Not Playing Around Editor: What is serious, LL ?
The Revolution Cat: The Revolution is slowing down. If BLM and Antifa don’t start burning and killing again their influence will drop like Biden’s polls. The current fuster cluck on the Southern Frontier has kept BLM behind the scenes.
The new policy of the FDA to shoot Black Americans with blow darts, to inject the vaccine is no joke.
The entire Trump-Putin fiasco was a cover for Biden and his Kappa, Kappa, Kappa, FDA employees to get the blow dart vaccine plan on track. Here is a secret video of Putin training FDA employees. The tiger was not hurt.
TNPAE: That is terrible TRC. That’s worse than bull-whipping the Haitians. Surely, they aren’t going to put collars on their victims.
They are. Here is the test model video.
Our freedom loving BLM people should be careful rioting, the FDA employees that Biden sends will vaccinate you from across the street.
Let’s get started with the revolution. The MSM Boards of Directors have to be replaced. Hopefully nature will start weeding out those too old, in government, to appreciate freedom.