The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
Ever since I was a child, I’ve always had a fear of someone under my bed at night. So I went to a shrink and told him: “I’ve got problems. Every time I go to bed I think there’s somebody under it. I’m scared. I think I’m going crazy.”
“Just put yourself in my hands for one year” said the shrink. “Come talk to me three times a week and we should be able to get rid of those fears.”
“How much do you charge?”
“Eighty dollars per visit,” replied the doctor.
“I’ll sleep on it,” I said.
Six months later the doctor met me on the street. “Why didn’t you come to see me about those fears you were having?” he asked.
“Well, eighty bucks a visit, three times a week for a year, is $12,480.00.”
A bartender cured me for $10.00. I was so happy to have saved all that money, so I went and bought me a new pickup truck.
“Is that so?” With a bit of an attitude he said, “And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?
“He told me to cut the legs off the bed. Ain’t nobody under there now.”
31 Then Jesus said to the Jews who now believed him, ‘Continue to obey the words that I have spoken to you. If you do that, you are really my disciples. 32 Then you will know what is true. And that will make you free.’
But I can give people a different kind of water. Everyone who drinks that kind of water will never get thirsty again. The water that I give them will become like a well inside them. That well will continue to provide water that gives them life for ever with God.’
You take a bus marked “Lakewood Drive” And you keep on ridin’ till you’re out of the city Where the air is fine with the sweet smellin pine And the countryside’s pretty And you’ll see daffodils peepin over the hills or a honey lovin’ mama bear
Just take a left at the bridge (left at the bridge) Go down to Quakerforn Ridge (go to the ridge now) And in a minute you’re there (in a minute you’re there) (do do do do do (4x))
Indian Lake is a scene You should make with your little one Keep it in mind if you’re lookin to find A place in the summer sun Swim in the cove have a snack in the grove Or you can rent a canoe (you can rent a canoe) At Indian Lake You’ll be able to make The way the Indians do (do do do do do (4x))
Indian Lake is a scene You should make with your little one Just keep it in mind if you’re lookin to find A place in the summer sun You can swim in the cove, have a snack in the grove Or you can rent a canoe (you can rent a canoe) At Indian Lake You’ll be able to make The way the Indians do
everybody, hey Indian Lake is a scene You should make with your little one Just keep it in mind if you’re lookin to find A place in the summer sun Swim in the cove, have a snack in the grove Or you can rent a canoe (you can rent a canoe) (fades out)
There is ABSOLUTELY no reason, other than FRAUD, to hide the VOTE-COUNTING PROCESS from the people who VOTED! Would you deposit money in a bank that hides behind a covered window after taking your money…does not give you a deposit slip…BUT instead gives you a little sticker that says…I Deposited? -Sheila Tolley-
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