Archive | January 2020

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Jan31


From: Hank Ashmore
The Deplorable Infidel

 

 

JOE BIDEN: VOTE FOR ME BECAUSE I MIGHT DIE IN OFFICE

Joe Biden says he needs a strong vice president because he’s old and might die in office. To sane people, that sounds like an excellent reason not to pick Biden to lead a ticket. Had Trump said it, the media would shout that he had threatened Biden and would insist that it be added to the list of non-reasons to impeach Trump. Perhaps that would be preferable to the impeachment noise. The whole idea of a vice president is in case the president dies in office or gets incapacitated or impeached. A veep is “strong” in office only if the prez allows it; if Biden means strong in the physical sense, then he’d better pick some hulking man and not a women. Not even nutball feminists claim that women are as physically strong as men.

Adding to the hilarity is that Biden has mooted Michele Obama as a running mate. Now, Michelle’s strength is a matter of public record – she could do more pushups than Barack, probably more chin-ups, and nobody ever doubted that she could beat him up. Biden, too. She’s got the “strong” part down. But you gotta admit, this is a novel way to ask for votes. Vote for me because I might croak in office. If anybody but Joe Biden said it, we’d all smirk and forget. But Joe doubles down before anybody even has a chance to furrow a brow. “No, I’m serious,” says he.

We know you’re serious, Joe. That’s the worrisome part.

Richard Jack Rail

 

WAKE UP AMERICA BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!

“If our country is to survive and prosper, we must summon the courage to condemn and reject the liberal agenda, and we had better do it soon.”
-Walter Williams-

 

“YOU JUST CAN’T MAKE THIS S**T UP” CATEGORY

Lieawatha Warren said that when she is elected president she will have a nine year old transgender child select her Secretary of Education.

 

AN OPINION FROM THE DEPLORABLE INFIDEL

I do not believe the Russian people hated Adolf Hitler as much as the moron American hating Democrats hate President Trump.

 

A SIMPLE TRUTH FOR TODAY

“Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery.”

Winston Churchill
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S.O.S

Jan31

 

A Boeing 777 wide-body jetliner was lumbering along @ 800km/hr. @ 33,000 ft. when a cocky F-16 fighter jet flashed by at Mach 2.

The F-16 pilot decided to show off. On his state-of-the-art radio that is part of
his state-of-the-art 3D & million-dollar headset, the F-16 youngster told the
777 pilot, “Hey Captain, watch this!”

He promptly went into a barrel roll, followed by a steep, unimaginable, vertical
climb. He then finished with a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier, as
the F-16 screamed down at impossible G’s before leveling at almost sea level.

The F-16 pilot asked the 777 pilot what he thought of that?

The 777 pilot said, “That was truly impressive, but watch this!”

The 777 chugged along for about 5 minutes at the steady 800km/hour, and
then the 777 pilot came back on and said, “What did you think of that?”

Puzzled, the cocky F-16 pilot asked, “What the heck did you do?”

The 777 pilot chuckled and said, “I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to
the back, used the toilet, then got a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll, and
secured a date for the next 3 nights in a five-star hotel paid for by the company.”

LESSON OF LIFE:
When you are young and foolish, speed and flash may seem like a good thing!
When you get older and smarter, comfort and dullness is not such a bad thing!

It’s called S.O.S.

Slower, Older, and Smarter!

Dedicated to all my friends approaching or enjoying S.O.S.

…”Don’t take life too seriously. No one gets out alive anyway.”…

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THE SPHINX—–SUPER BOWL NONSENSE

Jan31

_______________________________________________________________

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/justice-roberts-blocks-sen-paul-from-naming-whistleblower-source-says-and-paul-may-force-the-issue

Watch Jay Sekulow Box In Adam Schiff and Just Level Him With the Mic Drop of All Time

https://www.foxnews.com/politics/white-house-told-bolton-to-remove-classified-material-from-manuscript-before-publication

How Dare CNN Lecture Us ‘Rubes’ About Geography!

https://www.foxnews.com/

_______________________________________________________________

The Editor: Are you ready for the Super Bowl, LL ?

Impatient Cat: I can’t wait. I hope they can find Miami. Here are some interesting items. I hope fans don’t infect customers at the Super Bowl with Coronavirus.

https://www.foxnews.com/sports/super-bowl-2020-what-you-need-to-know

If Planters wanted to retire Mr. Peanut a Tesla car or Boeing 737 Max would have been a better ending for the old guy.

The day the peanut died

https://nypost.com/2020/01/22/planters-announces-mr-peanut-dead-at-104-after-heroic-act/

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/01/17/nhtsa-evaluating-tesla-driver-complaints-of-unintended-acceleration.html

https://www.theverge.com/2020/1/21/21075778/boeing-737-max-aircraft-ungrounded-2020-deadline-schedule-fly-again

These are their uniforms.

https://www.foxnews.com/sports/super-bowl-liv-chiefs-49ers-jerseys

Thank your open borders people for Sex Slaves.

https://www.foxnews.com/us/feds-miami-super-bowl-human-trafficking

Here are some old Super Bowl ads.

https://athlonsports.com/overtime/20-best-super-bowl-commercials-all-time

These are for 2020.

https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/2020-super-bowl-watch-the-leaked-tv-commercials-that-will-air-during-super-bowl-liv/

The rich, guess what, get richer.

https://www.foxbusiness.com/sports/super-bowl-miami-dolphins-owner-stephen-ross

Here are two ( 2 ) supers.

The moral of the story….

Jan30

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

—The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: Spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, that only Janie was left.

“Janie, do you have a story to share?”

“Yes ma’am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife.

She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break, and then she parachuted right into the middle of 20 Iraqi troops……..

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

”Good Heavens, ‘said the horrified teacher. What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story’?”

….”Don’t Screw with Mommy when she’s been drinking.”

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Smiles…..

Jan30

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.  Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, ‘So which six items would you like to buy?’ 

Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?

***

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. ‘Young man, we’re both 90 years old, ‘ the husband said ..’We may not have 45 minutes.’ They were seated immediately. 

***

The reason Politicians  try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed. 

***

 All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. 

***

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.

***

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, ‘When you’re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?’ 

Artie said: ‘ I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man.’ 

Eugene  commented: ‘I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people’s lives.’ 

Al said: ‘I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!’ 

***

 
Smith climbs to the top of  Mt. Sinai  to get close enough to talk to God.  Looking up, he asks the Lord… ‘God, what does a million years mean to you?’ 

The Lord replies, ‘A minute.’ 
Smith asks, ‘And what does a million dollars mean to you?’

The Lord replies, ‘A penny.’ 
‘Smith asks, ‘Can I have a penny?’ 
‘The Lord replies, ‘In a minute.’ 

***

A man goes to a shrink and says, ‘Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.  Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy.  What do you think I should do?’ 
‘Relax,’ says the Doctor, ‘take a deep breath and calm down.  Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?‘ 

***

John was on his deathbed and gasped pitifully. ‘Give me one last request, dear,’he said. 
‘Of course, John,’ his wife said softly. 
‘Six months after I die,’ he said, ‘I want you to marry Bob.’ 
‘But I thought you hated Bob,’ she said. 
With his last breath John said, ‘I do!’ 

***

A man goes to see the Rabbi. ‘Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it.’

The Rabbi asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ 
The man replied, ‘My wife is poisoning me.’ 
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, ‘How can that be?’ 
The man then pleads, ‘I’m telling you, I’m certain she’s poisoning me, what should I do?’ 
The Rabbi then offers, ‘Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I’ll see what I can find out and I’ll let you know.’ 
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, “I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?’ 
The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, ‘Take the poison’ 

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Any Port in a Storm

Jan30

Image result for port in the storm cartoon

 

After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

“I realize it’s terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I’m recently widowed,” she explained. “I’m afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house.”

“Don’t worry,” Jack said. “We’ll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we’ll be gone at first light.” The lady agreed, and the men settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they went on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, “Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up North about 9 months ago?”

“Yes, I do,” said Bob.

“Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?”

“Well, um, yes,” Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. “I have to admit that I did.”

“And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your real name?”

Bob’s face turned beet red and he said, “Yeah, look, I’m sorry, buddy. I’m afraid I did.” “Why do you ask?”


“She just died and left me everything.”