My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says “Do Not Resuscitate.”
It’s been months since I bought the book, “How To Scam People Online.” It still hasn’t arrived yet.
If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don’t care anymore.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
Even rarer than a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can’t stand the sight of money.
If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you’ve already got it.
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We’ve been awake since Tuesday.
My wife said, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for dessert! Doesn’t it embarrass you?” I said, “No, I keep telling them it’s for you.”
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favorite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Being old is when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go too.
I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
At a wedding reception, someone yelled: “All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death.
I met my wife at a single’s night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation.” We’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.
The Orion Cat: No, it is about the stars in the sky. Until about 200 years ago most of the nonviolent entertainment was watching the night sky. Before humans learned to write, everything was passed from one generation to the next by word-of-mouth. Here is one story.
Satan and his helper in the same room together! It will be a short meeting. They know the other Warlocks will miss their Evil presence at the Coven very shortly. They must be there to distribute potions from the cauldron and The Lies For Today to the up-and-coming Witches and Warlocks.
I am so glad they are Democrats instead of Americans.
-Sheila-
Let’s forget about our troubles, aches, pains, alzheimer’s and dementia for a spell. Hop in my old imaginary Ford Station Wagon with me. We shall take a ride down Memory Lane. No need to Buckle-Up, we didn’t have those things back in the Good Old Days. Another good thing about my imaginary Ford, you can all imagine that you are riding Shotgun, if you like. By the way, feel free to grab you a paper cup of Tang, a handful of Bugles or some Chicken-in-a-Biscuit Crackers for the trip. We will all have an Orange Sherbet Push-Up for dessert when we return.
-Sheila Tolley-
“You all just drive on back to the future….I think my Saddle Oxfords and I will be happier staying here!
Come on back to visit anytime.
Don’t forget to put on your clean underwear, you might have a wreck.” -Sheila –
The rules of basketball originally forbade dribbling: as in net ball, a player receiving the ball had to remain in place until they threw it to one of their teammates. Dribbling was officially introduced to the rules of the sport in 1891.
The first basketball was actually a soccer ball.
When tennis first proved popular in the Victorian era, women would play in full floor-length skirts, with sleeves, high collars, and stockings underneath.
A single volleyball player will jump 300 times in a single game. In a typical match, a tennis player will run a total of three miles across the court.
The fastest rugby try in a professional game was scored by Vula Maimuri of Fiji against the New Zealand Crusaders at a match in Christchurch in 2001 just 12 seconds into the game.
Beach volleyball is nothing new. It was first played in Hawaii in 1915.
98% of professional squash players are college graduates.
