My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says “Do Not Resuscitate.”
It’s been months since I bought the book, “How To Scam People Online.” It still hasn’t arrived yet.
If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don’t care anymore.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
Even rarer than a doctor who can’t stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can’t stand the sight of money.
If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you’ve already got it.
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We’ve been awake since Tuesday.
My wife said, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for dessert! Doesn’t it embarrass you?” I said, “No, I keep telling them it’s for you.”
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favorite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Being old is when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go too.
I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
At a wedding reception, someone yelled: “All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living.” The bartender was almost crushed to death.
I met my wife at a single’s night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation.” We’re spending three weeks behind the fridge.
The indentations on a golf ball are called “dimples”. There is no set rule for the maximum or minimum number of dimples on a competition golf ball, although most usually have around 350-400. The maximum ever imprinted on a ball was 1,070.
The grass on the tennis courts of Wimbledon is kept at precisely 8 mm (one-third of an inch) tall. It is an especially hardy type of rye grass.
The world’s biggest soccer stadium is in North Korea. The Rungrado has a capacity for 114,000 people and is the home stadium of the secretive nation’s national team.
The world’s biggest stadium overall, however, is the Narendra Modi Stadium in Ahmedabad, India, which is home to the Indian national cricket team. It can house 132,000 spectators.
The fastest recorded tennis serve was played by Australian Sam Groth at a competition in Busan in 2012. The ball was served at 163.4 mph.
It has been estimated that the world’s most popular sport is soccer, with more than three billion fans and players.
The world’s second-most popular sport is debatable, with hockey, volleyball, and golf all vying for the title. In terms of the number of spectators and fans, cricket is popularly said to come in second place.
The fastest swing speed of any bat sport is field hockey. Male players can strike the ball mid-game at more than 100 mph.
The Orion Cat: No, it is about the stars in the sky. Until about 200 years ago most of the nonviolent entertainment was watching the night sky. Before humans learned to write, everything was passed from one generation to the next by word-of-mouth. Here is one story.
Explanation: Orion is rarely seen like this. To achieve this majestic vista, you need a camera capable of taking such long duration exposures that faint features in the night sky become revealed. Iconic nebulas that appear include the Orion Nebula, the Flame Nebula, and Barnard’s Loop. For contrast, it also helps to have a volcano on the foreground, in this case the Teide volcano on Tenerife on the Canary Islands of Spain. But if you want your Teide volcano snow-covered, you also need good timing — because that only happens, typically, for a few days each year. Good timing also includes waiting for Orion to appear just behind Teide, which occurred late last year after sunset. The featured image is the result of a series of images taken consecutively with the same camera from the same location.