GOLF……

Image result for clip art  funny golf balls

The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.

“Your Holiness”, said one of his Cardinals, “Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths.”

The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand.

“Don’t we have a Cardinal to represent me?” he asked.

“None that plays very well,” a Cardinal replied. “But, there’s a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal. Then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we’ll also win the match.”

Everyone agreed it was a good idea.

The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. “I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, ” said Nicklaus.

“Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus,” said the Pope.

“Well, your Holiness, I don’t like to brag, but even though I’ve played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.”

“There’s bad news?” asked the Pope.

“Yes, I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods.

Image result for rabbi tiger woods

You will like both of these…..

Total Eclipse of the Heart

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Famous Football One-liners from the Past

” It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

 

“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” –  Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame

 

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” –  Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

 

“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.  Dancing IS a contact sport”         –  Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

 

” If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” –  Murray Warmath / Minnesota

 

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.” –  John McKay / USC

 

“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” –  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

 

Ohio State ‘s Urban Meyer on one of his players:     “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

 

Why do Auburn fans wear orange?  So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

 

What does the average Georgia player get on his SATs?  Drool.

 

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

 

Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said,   ” Look, a dead bird.”  The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”

 

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”

 

If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

 

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

 

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

 

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

 

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

 

Why did the Tennessee linebacker steal a police car? He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

 

How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

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The Eighties were Great!

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Some People Have Nothing To Do

Perhaps Reincarnation is for real….

The Church of Scientology, which Michael Jackson held in high regard, has recently proclaimed that Michael Jackson was reborn as a duck and is now residing on a pond on hole 13 at Grandview at Sun City West

Video Proof of this transfiguration is attached:

MORE GOOD ONES….

 

SUPERB Ones

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