Archive | October 8, 2019

Paper Bank

There was a university in New England where the students operated a “bank” of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. You had your choice of papers for an A-grade, B-grade, and C-grade.

A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than her assignment, went to the bank and took out a paper for a C-grade. She went home, retyped it, and handed it in.

In due time she received it back with the grade of an ‘A’. The professor left the following comment, “I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have received an A, so now I am glad to give it one.”

Funny pics from the internet

The roof painter

Look at him, what a plonker.

The Cat Who Made A Bad Decision

You can see it on his face that he's not a lilo
        man.

Mark with a “C”

The greatest Starbucks name fail ever, even better
        than Clint's.

It could have happened to any of us really.

The classic cake failure

All the more funny when you think about how long
        it would take to pipe this.

The learning curve

You've got to make some mistakes once.

Cat Regret-2013

That's a sad kitty.

A story in 4 parts

He's one of them now.

The squirrel who fell

I think he was fine though.

The stapler from floor four

He had a lovely time.

Grown ass man stuck in playground

He's probably still there.

School teachers?

He was a good student.

The thought Process

Sometimes you just know, you know?

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Two Sisters….

 
  

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.    Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

 In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving with $600, the brunette tells her sister, ‘When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I’ll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.’

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.  The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.  After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, ‘I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I’ve bought a bull for our ranch.  I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.’

The telegraph operator explains that he’ll be glad to help her, then adds, it  will cost 99 cents a word.  Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, ‘I want you to send her the  word ‘comfortable.’

The operator shakes his head. ‘How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back  to your ranch if you send her just the word ‘comfortable?’

The brunette explains, ‘My sister’s blonde.  The word is big. She’ll read it very slowly.

‘com-for-da-bul’.

Image result for pic of a bull

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Famous Football One-liners from the Past

” It isn’t necessary to see a good tackle, you can hear it!” – Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

 

“The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.” –  Lou Holtz / Arkansas – Notre Dame

 

“A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.” –  Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

 

“Football is NOT a contact sport, it is a collision sport.  Dancing IS a contact sport”         –  Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

 

” If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” –  Murray Warmath / Minnesota

 

“We didn’t tackle well today, but we made up for it by not blocking.” –  John McKay / USC

 

“I’ve found that prayers work best when you have big players.” –  Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

 

Ohio State ‘s Urban Meyer on one of his players:     “He doesn’t know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I just saw his grades and he doesn’t know the meaning of a lot of words.”

 

Why do Auburn fans wear orange?  So they can dress that way for the game on Saturday, go hunting on Sunday, and pick up trash on Monday.

 

What does the average Georgia player get on his SATs?  Drool.

 

How did the Auburn football player die from drinking milk? The cow fell on him.

 

Two Texas A&M football players were walking in the woods. One of them said,   ” Look, a dead bird.”  The other looked up in the sky and said, “Where?”

 

What do you say to a Florida State University football player dressed in a three-piece suit? “Will the defendant please rise.”

 

If three Rutgers football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

 

How can you tell if a Clemson football player has a girlfriend? There’s tobacco juice on both sides of the pickup truck.

 

What do you get when you put 32 Arkansas cheerleaders in one room? A full set of teeth.

 

University of Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh is only going to dress half of his players for the game this week; the other half will have to dress themselves.

 

How is the Kansas football team like an opossum? They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

 

Why did the Tennessee linebacker steal a police car? He saw “911” on the side and thought it was a Porsche.

 

How do you get a former University of Miami football player off your porch? Pay him for the pizza.

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