Tolley’s Topics Wishes A Happy Halloween To All You Little Monsters In Readerland

I generally avoid temptation unless
I can’t resist it.
Mae West

 The Lord himself goes in front of you. He will always be with you, to help you. He will never leave you. So do not be afraid. Be brave!’

Three score and fifteen years ago, my Mother brought forth into this world, a new baby…… Me……All I can say at this point is, “What A Ride!”

I wore…Go-Go Boots, Saddle Oxford and Penny Loafer shoes, Bell bottoms, Tie-Dye T-Shirts, Mini-skirts, Maxi-skirts, Tight Sweaters, Bulky Sweaters, Mood Rings, and Love Beads.

I owned a Barbie Doll, Black Light & Glow in the dark posters, Old Maid Cards, Slinky, Lava lamp, an Ouija Board, Pet Rock, Nancy Drew Books, Paper Dolls, Puzzles, an 8X10 Glossy Picture Of Elvis and a Rubik’s Cube.

I have modeled so many hair styles….including, but not limited to…..Teased & Sprayed, Flat & Dippity-Dood, Layered & Wind-Blown, Curly, Straight, Long, Short, Frosted, Tipped, Colored, Bleached and Streaked.

I have survived Hair Ironing, The Twist and Limbo, Ear Piercing, Fake Nails, Blind Dates, Jumping off the Flat Shoals Bridge and using a shampoo called “Gee, Your Hair Smells Terrific.”

I have driven behind hundreds of vehicles whose bumper sticker bragged about what they had on board (Baby On Board) while hundreds of others told me when they applied their brakes (I Brake for Unicorns, Railroad Tracks, etc). We all remember the most disgusting bumper sticker from yesteryear, the one that was eventually banned because it informed us that SHIT HAPPENS. Not to be outdone, the bumper sticker genius’s replaced it with Doo Doo Happens. My Other Car Is A Porsche, Mercedes, etc., remember those? Of that group, I liked the bumper sticker that read “My Other Car Is Also A Piece Of Junk.”

I have lived through Segregations, Integrations and  Liberations. I watched as a Gold Metal Olympic Winner morphed from  Bruce Jenner into Caitlyn Jenner. I have wondered how Elizabeth Warren could be a part-time Native American and  a Caucasian woman, Rachel Dolezal, could trick the NAACP into thinking she was an African-American. I watched as American cities burned because the dope addict George Floyd died of a confirmed drug overdose but a policeman went to jail for life as Floyd’s family got rich from their GoFundMe accounts. I watched the news as a former nurse, Lindsay Clancy, from Duxbury, Massachusetts admitted to strangling her three young children to death with exercise bands…then she jumped from a window to attempt suicide. (She failed at that, she should have jumped from a higher window or her roof.) Then, the only Juror who found her guilty is being harassed by the news media, the Pink Shirt Crowd and the Old Blue Hair Hippies on their walkers from the nursing homes.

Like I said…What A Ride! 

In my America, I have watched as massive demonstrations take place in defense of Gun Control, Defunding The Police, Abortions, Illegal Immigrants, Women, African Americans, Animals, LGBTQIA+(diverse sexual orientations, gender identities and biological sex characteristics.) We have more genders than we have mosquitos now. They march for defense of Black Lives Matter, Muslims, and Mothers murdering their children. Now, as I pointed out previously, they have even brought the old Hippies out of nursing homes on their walkers who have dyed their hair blue to march in protest for anything that The Soros Family will sponsor. 

In fact, there are only two groups that are not supported in America today. The first one defended and  made America great through all the major wars & created every patented invention from the Cotton Gin to Junipero Gin to the Internet & Cell Phone. The second one was used to reduce diseases. Those two FABULOUS groups are:

1. White Men
2. White Rats.

 

Baby elephants will suck on their trunks for comfort just like human babies suck on their thumbs.

The colossal squid has the largest eyes ever studies in the animal kingdom, measuring almost eleven inches, which is roughly the same size as a volleyball. In fact, researchers believe that they may be the largest eyes that ever existed.

Some sharks can live up to 100 years old. Although most of them live 20 to 30 years in the wild, some species, such as the spiny dogfish, live well beyond a hundred years.

Cats actually sweat through their paws. Cats do have sweat glands, but their skin is covered in fur, so the amount of cooling that the sweat glands can provide is minimal. The paw pads have the most sweat glands, so they mostly sweat there.

Rabbits have the ability to sleep with their eyes open. They go into a trance-like state, which is half-sleep. The benefit of this is in the wild; it allows them to get away from predators in a hurry.

 

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.”
Frank Sinatra
 
“It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” 
George Burns
 
“My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” 
Jack Nicholson

“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” 
Barbara Bush 
 
“Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” 
Robin Williams
 
“According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental,  where, of course, men are just grateful.” 
Robert De Niro
 
“There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?”
Dustin Hoffman
 
“There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!” 
Jerry Seinfeld
 
“See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.” 
Robin Williams
 
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” 
Joan Rivers
 
Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. 
Steve Martin
 
You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life. 
Bob Hope
 
“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” 
Oscar Wilde

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