A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below. She shouts to him, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The man consults his portable GPS and replies, “You’re in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.
She rolls her eyes and says, “You must be a Republican!” “I am,” replies the man. “How did you know?” “Well,” answers the balloonist, “everything you tell me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I’m still lost. Frankly, you’re not much help to me.”
The man smiles and responds, “You must be a Democrat.” “I am, replies the balloonist. “How did you know?” “Well,” says the man, “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You’ve risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you expect me to solve your problem. You’re in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it’s my fault.”
An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, ‘What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I’m not reheating it’. And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband’s client, James Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
“They’re not hanging Wright tonight,” she said.
He whirled around and screamed, “GOOD GRIEF WOMAN, DON’T YOU EVER STOP?”
The Editor: Is it true about Trump buying Greenland, LL ?
Viking Cat: It sure is. Denmark is just playing along until the 2020 election. Trump used the Obama Method to make the down payment, like Obama used to pay the Iranians. Here is a video of the first payment delivery.
Here are the first new residents.
TE: Are there any secrets that you can reveal, VC ?
Daughter of Freya Cat: The President has to relieve the pressure on Guam. It is about to tip over. Greenland will be able to provide homes for many millions.
The Democrats/Communist/Socialist and others that don’t like America and her Bill of Rights can move to Greenland. They can create their own government that is suitable for them.
This is the fiftieth anniversary of Woodstock. We thank our soldiers who were in Vietnam at the time.
Peter Fonda had good timing.
The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. –Alice Walker
The mind is everything. What you think you become. –Buddha
The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now. –Chinese Proverb
An unexamined life is not worth living. –Socrates
Eighty percent of success is showing up. –Woody Allen