“It’s paradoxical that the idea of living a long life appeals to everyone, but the idea of getting old doesn’t appeal to anyone.” -Andy Rooney

“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevin

“To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except exercise, get up early, or be respectable.” – Oscar Wilde

“At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all.” – Ann Landers

“I have reached an age when, if someone tells me to wear socks, I don’t have to.” – Albert Einstein

“When I was young, I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties, I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then, and I’m labeled senile.” – George Burns

“The important thing to remember is that I’m probably going to forget.” – Unknown

“The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.” – Will Rogers

“We must recognize that, as we grow older, we become like old cars, more and more repairs and replacements are necessary.”
– C.S. Lewis

“Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” – Jennifer Yanez

“Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it.” – Golda Meir

“I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued.” – Bill Dane

“The older I get, the more clearly I remember things that never happened. – Mark Twain

“Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your retirement home.”- Phyllis Diller

“I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.” – Rita Rudner

“I’m at that age where my back goes out more than I do.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere.”
– George Burns

“First you forget names, then you forget faces, then you forget to pull your zipper up, then you forget to pull your zipper down.”
– Leo Rosenberg

“Old people shouldn’t eat health foods. They need all the preservatives they can get.” – Robert Orben

“Old age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings, and you hope it isn’t for you.” – Unknown

“It’s important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle.” – Unknown

“I have successfully completed the thirty-year transition from wanting to stay up late to just wanting to go to bed.” – Unknown

“The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down.” – t.s. elliot

“As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” – Sir Norman Wisdom

“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” – Larry Lorenzon

“I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” – Bob Hope

“I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam.”- George Carlin

“I’m 59 and people call me middle-aged. How many 118-year-old men do you know?”- Barry Cryer

“I don’t do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast.” – Anonymous

“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.”
– Maurice Chevalier

“Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth.” – Conan O’Brien

“Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does.” – J. Norman Collie

“You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work.” – Hy Gardner

“When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.” – Mark Twain

“You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.” – Joel Plaskett

“There’s one advantage to being 102, there’s no peer pressure.”
– Dennis Wolfberg

“At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for.” – George Burns

“Old age is when you resent the swimsuit issue of Sports Illustrated because there are fewer articles to read.”
–George Burns

“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” – George Burns

“People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit.” – George Burns

“When I turned 75, I started telling people I was 85 just so they would tell me how great I look for my age.” – Anonymous