JOKES THAT CAN BE TOLD IN CHURCH

Image result for laugh a little

 

 

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school

After hearing a strong preaching on the devil.

One said to the other, ‘What do you think about

all this Satan stuff?’

The other boy replied, ‘Well, you know how

Santa Claus turned out

It’s probably just your Dad..’

 

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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl

whispered to her mother, ‘Why is the bride dressed in white?”

The mother replied, ‘Because white is the color

Of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.’

The child thought about this for a moment then said,

‘So why is the groom wearing black?’

 

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Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about

their fathers.

The first boy says, ‘My Dad scribbles a few words

On a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.’

The second boy says, ‘That’s nothing. My Dad

scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.’

The third boy says, ‘I got you both beat. My Dad

scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!’

 

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An elderly woman died last month.

Having never married, she requested no male

pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial

service, she wrote,

‘They wouldn’t take me out while I was alive,

I don’t want them to take me out when I’m dead.’

 

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A police recruit was asked during the exam,

‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’

He answered, ‘Call for backup.’

 

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A Sunday School teacher asked her class why

Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

A small child replied, ‘They couldn’t get a babysitter.’

 

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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy

father and thy mother,’ she asked,

‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to

treat our brothers and sisters?’

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,

‘Thou shall not kill.’

 

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At Sunday School they were teaching how God

created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they

told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying

down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’ 

Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’

 

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You don’t stop laughing because you grow old..

You grow old because you stop laughing!

Take heed and pass these along to people who

need a laugh.

I thought you would enjoy this….times are tough

right now…for all of us…so we need something to make the day a happy place.

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“They” haven’t found a way to tax you for

Laughing yet!!



THE SPHINX—UNIQUE SPORTS STORIES

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This is a corrupt county election.  The dems are dragging it out like ole Hillgal did her crimes.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/13/az-state-senate-president-asks-maricopa-county-to-address-deleted-data-bases-chain-of-custody-non-compliance-with-subpoenas/

The Israelis are upsetting America’s Jew Haters in Congress and their MSM.

https://www.breitbart.com/middle-east/2021/05/12/israel-takes-out-mocks-hamas-intel-chiefs-looks-like-our-intel-was-better/

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/05/13/israel-takes-out-hamas-leaders-air-and-ground-troops-now-move-into-gaza-n379873

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Why would Gates let this be published after 40 years of secrecy ?  Something is brewing.

https://pagesix.com/2021/05/11/bill-gates-hiding-out-at-the-vintage-club-in-indian-wells/?_ga=2.163477308.1678079493.1605772234-951879754.1604898772

Oklahoma is better than OK.

https://redstate.com/brandon_morse/2021/05/12/school-board-throws-racist-tantrum-after-oklahoma-governor-bans-critical-race-theory-in-schools-n379052

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I believe the Iranian Terrorist over the Biden Traitors. 

https://www.newsmax.com/newsfront/iran-releases-prisoners-us/2021/05/02/id/1019813/

https://nypost.com/2021/05/04/wh-insists-iran-nuclear-talks-separate-from-us-hostages-psaki/

https://www.breitbart.com/

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CNN uses the wrong geographical locations so we won’t know where Taiwan is located, when China invades them.

https://redstate.com/wag/2020/01/29/cnn-lectures-us-rubes-about-geography-n126864

This is a great sports story.  In Atlanta, Georgia, USA,  Kaepernick will be joined by Michael Vick.  The Atlantians still worship Vick, even after serving his prison time for dog fighting.  Some people are just more competitive than others.

https://babylonbee.com/news/tebow-kaepernick-to-compete-in-epic-kneeling-contest-for-spot-on-nfl-team

https://www.breitbart.com/sports/2021/05/11/kaepernick-editing-publishing-essays-calling-for-the-abolition-of-police-and-prisons/

https://thefederalist.com/

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Off Beaten Path Editor:  Is this article about surprising things in sports, LL ?

Unusual Cat:  It sure is, but first here is another surprising positive drug test.  Medina Spirit might be as dirty as Qasem Soleimani’s Ghost.   Medina Spirit will run in Saturday’s Preakness—Spirit is as clean as Hunter Biden.

https://www.cbssports.com/general/news/2021-preakness-stakes-odds-medina-spirit-predictions-top-expert-who-nailed-9-winners-enters-picks/

John Wooden almost became a manager for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/08/ucla-legend-john-wooden-nearly-became-manager-of-pirates/

People need to practice this to keep their herd healthy.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/07/hunters-apply-to-kill-bison-in-grand-canyon-national-park/

https://www.breitbart.com/border/2021/05/08/blm-protesters-block-major-intersection-in-north-texas-city/

The New York Mets choose a giant rat as a new mascot over both Cuomos and Blasio.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/07/mets-dugout-drama-unfolds-in-intriguing-scene/

A read break.  If Fauci had time he would say, “get that second or third wallet.”

https://babylonbee.com/news/biden-proposes-2-trillion-bill-to-study-whats-causing-inflation-to-rise

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/05/06/non-woke-comedian-does-perfect-take-on-fauci-n375548

The only thing true about this article is about the cats.

https://babylonbee.com/news/bad-dog-major-bit-another-wh-staffer-and-gave-nuclear-codes-to-china-in-exchange-for-a-milk-bone

A catcher dies.

https://redstate.com/jerrywilson/2021/05/07/dell-crandall-requiem-for-a-catcher-n375853

The Cowboys are still expensive.

https://www.oann.com/sport-nfls-cowboys-extend-reign-as-most-valuable-sports-team-forbes/

Jimmy Hoffa has more graves than Hillgal.

https://www.breitbart.com/sports/2021/05/07/lawyer-jimmy-hoffa-buried-at-georgia-golf-course-popular-with-mob-bosses/

Where did they go ?

https://www.espn.com/mlb/story/_/id/31393791/inside-mysterious-world-missing-sports-memorabilia

One of the great movie quotes.

 

Ritner Creek Covered Bridge

WGN – 37-27-01 Ritner Creek Covered Bridge – Built in 1926 in Polk County by Otis Hamar spanning Ritner Creek on Kings Valley Hwy., single span, 75 feet long, Howe trusses

The bridge was constructed at a cost of $6,963.78. The portals of this bridge were once rounded. They were cut square in the early 1960s to accommodate taller trucks. Closed, moved 60′ downstream in 1976.

PHOTOS BY: BILL BOWSER….FROM CINCINNATI, OHIO
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Astronomy Picture of the Day

The Southern Cliff in the Lagoon
Image Credit: Julia I. Arias and Rodolfo H. Barba’ (Dept. Fisica, Univ. de La Serena), ICATE-CONICET, Gemini Observatory/AURA

Explanation: Undulating bright ridges and dusty clouds cross this close-up of the nearby star forming region M8, also known as the Lagoon Nebula. A sharp, false-color composite of narrow band visible and broad band near-infrared data from the 8-meter Gemini South Telescope, the entire view spans about 20 light-years through a region of the nebula sometimes called the Southern Cliff. The highly detailed image explores the association of many newborn stars imbedded in the tips of the bright-rimmed clouds and Herbig-Haro objects. Abundant in star-forming regions, Herbig-Haro objects are produced as powerful jets emitted by young stars in the process of formation heat the surrounding clouds of gas and dust. The cosmic Lagoon is found some 5,000 light-years away toward the constellation Sagittarius and the center of our Milky Way Galaxy. (For location and scale, check out this image superimposing the close-up of the Southern Cliff within the larger Lagoon Nebula. The scale image is courtesy R. Barba’.)

Tomorrow’s picture: and beyond

I LOVE My Military & I Appreciate Everyone Who Served….

“But I hate what the new WOKE crowd of incompetent fools have done to my wonderful military. I am so glad that everyone I know and love are no longer serving.

I truly wish that Obama, Obiden, Ofauci & Associates would get so entranced in following their WOKE Spirit that they would follow it right into an Active Volcano.

My list is actually much larger, but let’s fill one volcano at the time.”
-Sheila Tolley-

Commanding General at Fort Campbell Issues New Guidelines – Unvaccinated Soldiers Cannot Take Pass or Leave Base – Considered Non-Deployable

 

 

 

 

THE SPHINX—INTERESTING THINGS

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Pick who you believe.  Obama or Hunter probably had the code.  They are saying what we already know, everyone is on their own.  Politicians are exempt, we pay their security.

https://www.breitbart.com/economy/2021/05/13/report-colonial-pipeline-paid-nearly-5-million-ransom-hackers/

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WASHINGTON STATE LOVES YOUR 5 YEAR OLD KIDS.  Superintendents don’t read to kids, he is making a point.

https://www.breitbart.com/education/2021/05/11/superintendent-defends-reading-transgender-book-to-1st-graders-diverse-books-consistent-with-our-values/

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Vote Democrat.  They have something more important than masks to fight over.  This guy needs the wildcat man from a few weeks ago to help.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/12/fight-at-north-carolina-gas-station-amid-panic-buying-video/

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Fasten those seat belts.  The dems get what they voted for, but we do to.  Everything we buy is costing more.

https://www.breitbart.com/economy/2021/05/12/inflation-nation-consumer-prices-up-4-2-percent-annually/

Gasoline is up 90 cents a gallon since Joe was elected.  That’s OK, few people use it.

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Blacks denounce Stacy Abrams.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/11/black-georgia-leaders-abrams-doesnt-speak-black-community/

Racist Retards like this slimy slug should be fired, but it is Maryland.  You might recall the Mayor of Baltimore saying, a few years ago, that the rioters and looters burning down the city needed room to express themselves.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2021/05/13/so-a-maryland-state-employee-compared-cops-to-nazis-at-diversity-training-n2589368

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Hillary’s slogan was ” what happened. “

https://redstate.com/wag/2019/11/18/democrats-new-slogan-old-bull-n120517

We do this with illegal kids, but the dems approve.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/12/blind-box-pet-mail-craze-in-china-behind-deaths-of-numerous-dogs-cats/

https://townhall.com/

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America has Portland, Seattle, Minneapolis, Chicago, New York City, Philadelphia, DC, and Baltimore as cities without government control.  I left many out.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/tech-bros-next-move-private-cities-without-government-control/

Carter is returning.  He has 4 years of eligibility remaining.

https://babylonbee.com/news/gas-lines-have-biden-worried-about-how-carter-will-do-against-reagan

https://redstate.com/

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The Hitchhiking Editor:  Will the North East looters and rioters have to hitch rides to the arson fires ?

It’s Possible Cat:  They might if the pipeline stays a local problem to Biden.  In the meantime here is some news from out West.

Who inspects the decks and patios in Goofy Land ?  It must be the personal injury lawyer union.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/terrifying-moment-packed-balcony-collapses-in-malibu-caught-on-video/

The Mayor of Los Angles should invite the dope fiends and killers to party in Malibu, the falling patios will take care of things.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/californias-venice-boardwalk-is-now-dangerous-homeless-encampment/

This is progress.

https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2021/05/10/nbc-cancels-golden-globes-2022-broadcast-as-the-hollywood-foreign-press-associations-race-and-corruption-scandal-blows-up/

They need to get serious about desalination or pipe some water from the Columbia River.  ( if they can get the Plutonium out )

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Columbia_River

https://www.breitbart.com/environment/2021/05/09/most-of-california-suddenly-in-extreme-drought/

Nancy’s nephew is trying to get more people to move back to the Golden State.

https://babylonbee.com/news/theres-gold-in-them-thar-hills-shouts-gavin-newsom-dressed-as-prospector-in-attempt-to-get-people-to-come-back-to-california

Bezos is ready for the economy to collapse.

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/jeff-bezos-superyacht-costs-500m-amid-luxury-industry-boom/

https://nypost.com/2021/05/10/the-craziest-things-jeff-bezos-has-spent-his-money-on/

The dem/radicals call Yang a White Supremacist.  Those radical dems are a national treasure.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/05/12/andrew-yang-surrenders-backtracks-on-pro-israel-tweet/