John was totally obsessed with his cat. His job demanded that he go out of town for a while. The only person he trusted to possibly care for his cat was his brother. He took the cat over and gave his brother the food, treats, shampoo, conditioner and fancy litter box.  He cried as he told his cat goodbye.

John called his brother after two days to check on his cat. His brother said, “Your cat died.”

John went crazy. “You are a cold, rude person. You should not tell a person bad news in such a callous manner. You should have said something like…the cat is on the roof and we can’t get it down.  By the way how is Mother doing?” His brother replied,

“Mother is on the roof and we can’t get her down.”

*
*

 

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE;
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE
SHE WAS SO HAPPY ‘BOUT IT ALL
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I’D JUST AS SOON YO’ MA DON’T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL,
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, ‘THERE’S TROUBLE STILL.

YOU CAN’T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON’T TELL YOU’ MOTHER,
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO’
I KNOW IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,
JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO’ HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE.
YOU AIN’T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

 

.

The roof painter

The Cat Who Made A Bad Decision

Mark with a “C”

The classic cake failure

The learning curve

Another cat who made a bad decision

A story in 4 parts

The squirrel who fell

The stapler from floor four

Grown ass man stuck in playground

School teachers?

The thought Process

*
*
*

This is what it means to trust God: We will be sure about the things that we hope for. We will be sure in our minds about things that we cannot even see.

 

 In this way, everyone will know that you are my disciples. They will know it, if you really love each other.

Each year, as the weather begins to cool, I think about this post. I truly do Laugh Out Loud every year as I read it.  It really is Hilarious!
-Sheila Tolley-

 

The Diary Of A Snow Shoveler

This hilarious story was written by someone who’s clearly had to shovel way too much snow in his lifetime. If you’ve ever lived in a place where it snows, you will die laughing.

December 8 – 6:00 PM

It started to snow.

The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.

It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.

So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.

I love snow!

December 9

We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.

What a fantastic sight!

Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?

Moving here was the best idea I’ve ever had!

Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.

I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.

This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.

What a perfect life!

December 12

The sun has melted all our lovely snow.

Such a disappointment!

My neighbor tells me not to worry- we’ll definitely have a white Christmas.

No snow on Christmas would be awful!

John says we’ll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I’ll never want to see snow again

I don’t think that’s possible.

John is such a nice man, I’m glad he’s our neighbor.

December 14

Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.

The temperature dropped to -20.

The cold makes everything sparkle so.

The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.

This is the life!

The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.

I didn’t realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I’ll certainly get back in shape this way.

I wish l wouldn’t huff and puff so.

December 15

20 inches forecast.

Sold my van and bought a 4×4 Blazer.

Bought snow tires for the wife’s car and 2 extra shovels.

Stocked the freezer.

The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.

I think that’s silly.

We aren’t in Alaska, after all.

December 16

Ice storm this morning.

Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.

Hurt like hell.

The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17

Still way below freezing.

Roads are too icy to go anywhere.

Electricity was off for 5 hours.

I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.

Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.

Guess I should’ve bought a wood stove, but won’t admit it to her.

God I hate it when she’s right.

December 20

Electricity’s back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.

More shoveling!

Took all day.

The damn snowplow came by twice.

Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they’re too busy playing hockey.

I think they’re lying.

Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they’re out.

Might have another shipment in March.

I think they’re lying.

John says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.

I think he’s lying.

December 22

John was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it’s so cold, it probably won’t melt till August.

Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go pee.

By the time I got undressed, went to the bathroom and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel.

Tried to hire John who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he’s too busy. I think the asshole is lying.

December 23

Only 2 inches of snow today

And it warmed up to 0.

The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.

What is she, nuts?!!

Why didn’t she tell me to do that a month ago?

She says she did but I think she’s lying.

December 24

6 inches – Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.

Thought I was having a heart attack.

If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I’ll drag him through the snow and beat him to death with my broken shovel.

I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I’ve just been!

I can’t believe I’m freezing to death in my own living room.

Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25

Merry freaking Christmas!

20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.

The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.

God, I hate the snow!

Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.

The wife says I have a bad attitude.

I think she’s an idiot.

If I have to watch “It’s A Wonderful Life” one more time, I’m going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26

Still snowed in.

Why the hell did I ever move here?

It was all HER idea.

She’s really getting on my nerves.

December 27

Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28

Warmed up to above -20.

Still snowed in.

My wife is driving me crazy!!!

December 29

10 more inches.

John says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.

That’s the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30

Roof caved in.

I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars.

The wife went home to her mother.

Nine more inches predicted.

December 31

I set fire to what’s left of the house.

No more shoveling.

January 8

Feel so good.

I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.

Why am I tied to the bed?