A man was telling his friend over coffee:

“You won’t believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said:  Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes in the trash, take my TV and my laptop. Please take any of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Cash Converters.  Then sell my car, take my house key away, and throw me out. Then disown me and never talk to me again.  And don’t forget to write me out of your will and leave my share to any charity you choose.”

“Holy Smokes,” replied the friend, “she actually said that?”

“Well, she didn’t put it quite like that. What she actually said was: