The WWW Editor: Did you finally set the date for The Texas Death Wrestling Match between Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), and Marjorie Taylor Greene (MTG), LL ?
The Barbwire Cat: Both have agreed on every rule except AOC being able to sit on MTG with that big-booty.
We have developing news that a tag-team match might be possible with Charlize Theron joining AOC and Megyn Kelly partnering with MTG.
To ensure that the match has a patriotic theme, actual razor wire that Pigleosi used to protect the Capitol has been acquired for our match. Where is the Witch Nancy ?
An Arab, A Mexican and a girl from Texas are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass into the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says: In Mexico, our glasses are so cheap, we don’t need to drink with the same one twice.
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks non-alcohol beer (cuz he’s a muslim!) throws his glass into the air, pulls out his AK-47 and shoots the glass to pieces. He says: In the Arab world we have so much sand to make glasses we have no need to drink with the same one twice either.
The cool Texas girl. picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws her glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says: In Texas, we have so many illegal aliens that we don’t have to drink with the same ones twice.
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant..
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20×20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘uh oh’, it’s already too late.
8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
9.) A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36- year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.
10.) Certain Lego’s will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.
11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.
12.) Super glue is forever.
13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.
14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.
15.) VCR’s do not eject ‘PB & J’ sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.
19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.
20. ) Fire departments have a 5-10 minute response time.
21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids…
80% of Men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.
A wine merchant’s regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away. He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said: “It’s a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade, but acceptable.
“That’s correct”, said the boss. Another glass…. “It’s a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results.”
“Correct.” A third glass… ”It’s a pinot blanch champagne, high grade and exclusive,” calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
“It’s a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant – and if I don’t get the job, I’ll name the father.”
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