I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.

Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble putting on your pants.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

When I married Ms. Right, I had no idea her first name was Always.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

If you ever get locked out of your
house, talk to your house calmly.
Because communication is key.
Anonymous

In South Korea, you can have a plastic surgery called smile lipped, where they raise both corners of your mouth and give you a permanent smile. 

April 11th, 1954 is known as the most boring day in history. Literally not a single memorable thing happened that day on the entire Earth. No one significant died, no major events occurred, and the only interesting thing that actually happened on that day is that nothing happened on that day.

The Island of Discussion in Scotland is where, historically, those with arguments were put on the island with cheese and whiskey to sort out their problems and couldn’t leave until they came to a mutual agreement.

Former Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez, stated that Muammar Gaddafi was welcome in Venezuela, but that Charlie Sheen was not. With a quote saying: “There are limits…”