There is no senior discount for reading this!!!

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age, I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “hereafter”.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?

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Hey Sonny…An astronomical event recorded on a clay tablet found in 1948 among the ruins of the ancient city of Ugarit, in what is now Syria, was identified 20 years ago as a description of a total solar eclipse that occurred on 3 May 1375 BC. I wonder if that Clay Tablet Writer said to himself:
“I knew it, Climate Change is an Existential Threat. It could destroy my clay tablets, so I will start drawing pictures on the cave walls.”

I wonder if Noah said to his wife:
“Honey, I am going to be busy for the next 25 to 75 years building a Big Boat. Climate Change is an Existential Threat and we are going to have a big rain storm!”
-Sheila Tolley-

 

Shouldn’t these two crooks be in an internment camp in Haiti after the billions they stole from them? There should be plenty of vacant cells since so many Haitians have been released from their jails in order to RSVP to Biden’s America Invasion Party.
-Sheila Tolley-

A man who had spent his whole life in the desert visited a friend. He’d never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks, he heard a whistle, but didn’t know what it was. Predictably, he’s hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. He had some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.

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After weeks in the hospital recovering, he’s at his friend’s house attending a party. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the teakettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the teakettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what’s happened and asks the desert man, “Why’d you ruin my good tea kettle?”

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The desert man replies, “Man, you gotta kill these things when they’re small.”

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