ON MY SOAPBOX…Dear Mr. Smith

Cotopaxi is a sustainable outdoor brand based out of Salt Lake City, Utah. The brand was named after one of the world’s highest active volcanoes, Cotopaxi. The Ecuadorian mountain’s roaming llamas, seemingly endless trails, and beautiful glacial streams are what inspired Cotopaxi founder, Davis Smith, to choose the name.

Dear Mr. Smith:

Each morning as I compile my Conservative Only MEMES for my blog site, I see your ad that is shown above.

Granted, most people are Bait Clickers and would click on your BIG bait of 50% off. I am not most people.

Each passing day as I passed over your ad, more questions came to mind. I am a 72 year old grandmother. My first thought was, this company is advertising outdoor Winter favorites. This girl is going to catch her death of a cold (that’s what we said in the old days.) Why isn’t she wearing a hat? Then I asked myself, What is that furry animal attacking her shoulders? Is she trying to run away from the little furry creature? Is it biting her?  Oh no! She is rapidly hopping away because she only has one leg! That explains why she is leaning so much to the left (I worry about anyone who leans left when voting season is close.) I was almost in tears until I printed your ad and took it outside to view it in the sunlight. Then I noticed…

She is wearing a hat. The furry critter is actually her hair. She does have two legs because I can see the bottom of her right shoe, which matches her invisible hat. Then, with great relief, I realized that the one-legged girl who was hopping rapidly down the road while a hairy critter was chewing on her, was going to be fine. After all, she is wearing a very nice, multi-color Winter Favorite jacket.

I feel much better now, Mr. Smith. I do have some questions for you since you are the owner of Cotopaxi Outdoor Brand.

Does Alissa Heinerscheid work for your company? After she was fired from Anheuser-Busch for putting Tranny Dylan Mulvaney on Bud Light Beer, she had to be looking for a job.

Maybe not. Perhaps the photographer was just in a hurry the day this particular picture was taken. Just allow this old Grandma to give you a little constructive criticism.

Do not choose your Camo Dirt Road shade of hat when your model is running (or hopping) down a dirt road.

Take that extra mili-second and let both legs be visible in the picture.

Put that hair in a pony tail or tuck it under the newly selected bright colored hat.

Pull her arms down a bit so she does not inadvertently, become airborne.

I have enjoyed spending time with you, Mr. Smith. I do have one more suggestion for you. This may be costly, but you REALLY need to change the name of your company.

I mean, C’mon man…

COTOPAXI sounds like something that is found in the feminine hygiene isle at Walmart.

I AM GONNA GET ME ONE OF THOSE BRIGHT COLORED COATS JUST IN CASE I EVER NEED TO HOP RAPIDLY DOWN A DIRT ROAD IN THE WINTER TO ESCAPE A FURRY ANIMAL.

Conservative Only MEMES

Patriot Post MEMES

Casey at the Bat

Published: The Examiner (06-03-1888)

Image result for pic casey at the bat

It all started in 1885 when George Hearst decided to run for state senator in California. To self-promote his brand of politics, Hearst purchased the San Francisco Examiner. At the completion of the election, Hearst gave the newspaper to his son, William Randolph Hearst.

William, who had experience editing the Harvard Lampoon while at Harvard College, took to California three Lampoon staff members. One of those three was Ernest L. Thayer who signed his humorous Lampoon articles with the pen name Phin.

In the June 3, 1888 issue of The Examiner, Phin appeared as the author of the poem we all know as Casey at the Bat. The poem received very little attention and a few weeks later it was partially republished in the New York Sun, though the author was now known as Anon.

A New Yorker named Archibald Gunter clipped out the poem and saved it as a reference item for a future novel. Weeks later Gunter found another interesting article describing an upcoming performance at the Wallack Theatre by comedian De Wolf Hopper – who was also his personal friend. The August 1888 show (exact date is unknown) had members from the New York and Chicago ball clubs in the audience and the clipping now had a clear and obvious use.

Gunter shared Casey at the Bat with Hopper and the perfomance was nothing short of legendary. Baseball Almanac is pleased to present the single most famous baseball poem ever written.

The Outlook wasn’t brilliant for the Mudville nine that day:
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play.
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A sickly silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, if only Casey could get but a whack at that –
We’d put up even money, now, with Casey at the bat.

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a lulu and the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat,
For there seemed but little chance of Casey’s getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despis-ed, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and the men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from 5,000 throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It knocked upon the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey’s manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Casey’s bearing and a smile on Casey’s face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt ’twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt;
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance gleamed in Casey’s eye, a sneer curled Casey’s lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped-
“That ain’t my style,” said Casey. “Strike one,” the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
“Kill him! Kill the umpire!” shouted someone on the stand;
And its likely they’d a-killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey’s visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew;
But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said, “Strike two.”

“Fraud!” cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered fraud;
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Casey wouldn’t let that ball go by again.

The sneer is gone from Casey’s lip, his teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey’s blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and somewhere children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville – mighty Casey has struck out.

“Phin”

WHAT IF…Beautifully stated