Las Vegas Magician Mac King! His trick is so difficult to understand that even world famous magicians admit, they have no idea how he does it!

TRYING TO LIVE IN THE WORLD TODAY WITHOUT OFFENDING ANOTHER UTTERLY RIDICULOUS GROUP OF FOOLS.
-Sheila Tolley-

 

I worked in the yard today, and after doing so I sat down and had a glass of wine. 

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.”

She then said, “That’s what you did yesterday!”

I replied, “I WASN’T DONE , SO I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW.”

The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?” 

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question:  “Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?”

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?     

Well, after another glass of wine, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. 

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. 

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”     

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
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Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House. One is from Chicago, another is from Kentucky, and the third is from New Orleans. All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The New Orleans contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil “Well,” he says, “I figure the job will run about $9,000. That’s $4,000 for materials, $4,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Kentucky contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do this job for $7,000. That’s $3,000 for materials, $3,000 for my crew and $1,000 profit for me.”

The Chicago contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, “$27,000.”

The official, incredulous, says, “You didn’t even measure like the other guys. How did you come up with such a high figure? “

“The Chicago contractor whispers back, “$10,000 for me, $10,000 for you, and we hire the guy from Kentucky to fix the fence.”

“Done!” replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the Government works.

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“Remember when … Four boxes kept us free: the soap box, the ballot box, the jury box, and the cartridge box.

Now, our Soapbox is censored, our Ballot box is rigged, the Jury box is threatened, and they are trying to take away our cartridge box.

I love my country; it’s the government I’m afraid of.”

Sheila Tolley

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