Anyone who says their wedding was the best day of their life has clearly never had two candy bars fall down at once from a vending machine.
We live in a time where intelligent people are silenced so that stupid people wonāt be offended.
The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have begun asking humans to prove they arenāt a robot.
When a kid says āDaddy, I want mommyā thatās the kid version of āIād like to speak to your supervisorā.
Itās weird being the same age as old people.
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say CLOSE ENOUGH.
Last night the internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.
If Adam and Eve were Cajuns they would have eaten the snake instead of the apple and saved us all a lot of trouble.
We celebrated last night with a couple of adult beverages ā¦ā¦ Metamucil and Ensure.
You know you are getting old when friends with benefits means having someone who can drive at night.
Weight loss goal: To be able to clip my toenails and breathe at the same time.
