Author: tolleystopics
Dealing with the Squirrels
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about their squirrel infestation. After much prayer and consideration, they concluded that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they should not interfere with God’s divine will.
At the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken an interest in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water-slide on the baptistery and let the squirrels drown themselves. The squirrels liked the slide and, unfortunately, knew instinctively how to swim, so twice as many squirrels showed up the following week.
The Lutheran church decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God’s creatures. So, they humanely trapped their squirrels and set them free near the Baptist church. Two weeks later, the squirrels were back when the Baptists took down the water-slide.
The Episcopalians tried a much more unique path by setting out pans of whiskey around their church in an effort to kill the squirrels with alcohol poisoning. They sadly learned how much damage a band of drunk squirrels can do.
But the Catholic church came up with a more creative strategy! They baptized all the squirrels and made them members of the church Now they only see them at Christmas and Easter.
Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They took the first squirrel and circumcised him. They haven’t seen a squirrel since.
Daily Wisecracks & Wisdom
Everything you’ve ever wanted
is on the other side of fear.
George Addair
THE SPHINX—ARCHIVED INTERESTING THINGS
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INTERNATIONAL NEWS
The Australian Hero.
Trump files a 10 BILLION lawsuit against the BBC.
NATIONAL INTERESTS
Judge Dugan’s trial started Monday.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/amy-curtis/2025/12/15/hannah-dugan-trial-day-one-recap-n2667900
Trump gives the Reiners as much praise as possible. Trump was too kind in his eulogy. I hope Trump will be able to give Nancy a great eulogy when she goes to the place where there is no insider-trading. She still has no Soul.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/mattvespa/2025/12/16/trump-doubles-down-on-reiner-post-n2667925
Reiner’s son is arrested for the murders.
If America had another stock market crash I wonder if society would be rebuilt for the better ?
May The Force be with you.
It is insider trading. They get information on laws effecting companies, ask Nancy.
Another Somali scam.
Get those rare earth minerals.
WE AREN’T SORRY.
The medical community is run like a Somali drug store.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/amy-curtis/2025/12/12/covid-vaccines-heart-damage-n2667792
Disney is sorry for nothing.
Brown University in Rhode Island must have the same camera system as the prison where Epstein was killed.
CULTURE
Ms. Finland loses title for making an insensitive Chinese joke.
The Left-Democrats want your children to become homosexuals, have surgery, bind their breasts, and have a miserable life on the necessary drugs used to make them monsters.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/amy-curtis/2025/12/12/nc-school-board-inappropriate-book-n2667797
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The History Editor: What is cat worthy today, LL ?
The Variety Cat: We have an assorted collection of one time interesting happenings. UCLA is first.
A young seal wants a Carlton Draught Beer.
https://redstate.com/wardclark/2025/12/07/so-a-seal-walks-into-a-bar-n2196903
One of our earliest saved videos.
A French horse not wanting to be saddled with Socialism.
AOC–for the people.
https://tolleystopics.com/wp-content/uploads/2024/04/13832.jpg
Trump has closed the border.
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Get a dog.
https://theonion.com/working-in-general-vicinity-for-8-hours-a-day-misinterp-1838142520/
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Don’t be fooled.
https://babylonbee.com/news/nigerian-prince-scammed-by-somali-immigrant
Bible Verse
Patriot Post Memes
You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around…That’s what it’s all about! Just kidding….
Actually, Goofy Gavin heard his Call To Prayer from the mosque a few miles away and realized that he had forgotten his prayer rug. So he is assuming his Aerial Rug-Free Muslim Prayer Pose.
Old Bernie is taking a nap while in the middle of a Covid Flashback.
-Sheila Tolley-
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UN-REDACT the faces of The Golden Girls. I miss their show. They deserve to be a part of Trump’s Golden Era.
-Sheila Tolley-
Trump’s PETE makes me feel SAFE & PROUD to be an
American Republican.
Biden’s PETE had to go on maternity leave because his husband said so.
-Sheila Tolley-
.
Ilhan is ‘licking her chops’….she will have enough money now to divorce her brother.
-Sheila Tolley-
HOLIDAY EATING TIPS
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Holiday spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly, it’s rare. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Holiday party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert, Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.
10. One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate and wine in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ” ” WOO HOO what a ride!”
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
Daily Wisecracks & Wisdom
The reason I talk to myself is because
I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
George Carlin
THE SPHINX—WINTER OLYMPICS
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Ban her from ever working for any government in the future. Let her go to Gaza.
https://townhall.com/tipsheet/amy-curtis/2025/12/12/hannah-dugan-trial-begins-monday-n2667793
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Rob and Michele Reiner were found dead at their home.
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NATIONAL INTERESTS
Is this true ?
Vote the crooks out of office.
Do away with the Blue Rule. Send the nominee to the Senate floor for discussion.
https://www.newsmax.com/politics/trump-john-thune-senate/2025/12/11/id/1237921/
AOC is a good public servant.
Some states need a spanking.
TECHNOLOGY
Is NanoPhone in your future ?
https://nypost.com/2025/12/11/shopping/grab-the-tiny-but-mighty-nanophone-for-just-90-while-you-can/
Some people have mental issues, look at Congress. This guy should stay off social media sites.
CNN updates their cameras.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G75Ji38WgAAXmm5?format=jpg&name=small
HEALTH
Try some if anxiety is a problem.
INTERNATIONAL
Another viewpoint on Australia terrorist shooting.
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The Champ Editor: Will you be covering The Olympics, LL ?
The Zoom Cat: I won’t be there in catperson unless one of the climate do-gooders gives me a lift in their private Gulfstream G650. One jet shoots out more toxic stuff than Mexico City. Here is some history from Wikipedia, the Olympic sites ask if I am happy for them to use cookies.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympic_symbols
Italy needs to sell some tickets.
https://www.espn.com/olympics/story/_/id/47221223/nearly-half-tickets-milan-cortina-olympics-unsold
The Demoncrats could fly in some vetted fans.
Taylor University could drop in.
The last I heard men must compete against men in The Olympics.
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What a deal !!!!
https://genesiustimes.com/for-sale-totally-legitimate-high-speed-offshore-fishing-vessel-175000-obo/
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Tim is the man.
https://babylonbee.com/news/special-needs-people-demand-nation-stop-comparing-them-to-tim-walz
Bible Verse
I will go away but I will give you a gift of peace. It is mine to give and yours to keep. It is not like a gift that this world gives. Do not let yourselves be sad. Do not be afraid.
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