Well folks, it is that time of year again. I am speaking of Football Cold & Flu Season.
The old hacking coughs that we all hate. Well Darling, I have good news for you. Paw Paw Garrett will fix you up!
I encourage you to try the recipe shown below to alleviate your hacking cough.
If it does not work after “taking roughly 1 oz. to suppress your cough”….fear not…you simply need to tweak the recipe a tiny bit.
1) Get yourself a bigger Mason jar…..the first 3 ingredients remain the same…..add bourbon until the new, bigger Mason Jar is full.
2) Call in and request a few more days off work….because you are really sick.
3) Ask someone to hide your cell phone.
4) Now relax, drink yourself silly! After all, a little Peppermint Candy, Honey and Lemon never hurt anyone.
5) When you wake up in a couple days, call in and be honest with your boss. Tell him that you took an entire bottle of cough syrup and your cough is totally suppressed. Let him know that “as soon as your head quits hurting” you will be back to work.
6) After all, any GOOD boss should understand that when your team loses on Sunday…..it causes terrible Lingering Head Aches.
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college.
There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
“Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am. Just serious by nature.”
The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you have seen a lot of action.”
“Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, “You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young lady said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?”
“1955, ma’am.”
“Well, there you are. No wonder you’re so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955! She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to “relax” him several times.
Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, “Wow, you sure didn’t forget much since 1955.”
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, “I hope not; it’s only 2130 now.”
