As he’s walking, he catches a whiff of marijuana burning. He looks up and sees a monkey smoking a fat blunt in a tree.
“Hey, are you blazing it up there without me?” said the lizard.
“Come on up here and hit it with me, man,” said the monkey.
The lizard and the monkey smoke weed for several hours, and eventually the lizard’s mouth gets dry. He excuses himself, climbs down the tree, and heads for the river to get a drink. As the lizard is drinking, a crocodile pops out of the water.
The croc says “Whoa, man, you looked stoned to the bone. Where can I get the good stuff?”
“My monkey friend in that tree over there can hook you up,” said the lizard.
The crocodile heads over to the tree and says, “Hey! Down here!”
The monkey looks down and says “Whoa, holy crap dude, how much water did you drink?”
“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz SL500.” Frank Sinatra “It isn’t premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.” George Burns “My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.” Jack Nicholson
“Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.” Barbara Bush “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams “According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.” Robert De Niro “There’s a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions to latex condoms. They say they cause severe swelling. So what’s the problem?” Dustin Hoffman “There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked!” Jerry Seinfeld “See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis and only enough blood to run one at a time.” Robin Williams “It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” Joan Rivers Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. Steve Martin You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life. Bob Hope “Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.” Oscar Wilde
HERE IS A SOLUTION TO THE MILLIONS OF ILLEGALS WHO WANT IN. DON’T LET THEM IN, AND YOU HAVE SOLVED THE PROBLEM. BUILD THE WALL AND MAKE SURE IT IS POLICED.
When you loosen Chuck Schumer’s Whirlwind of unenforced laws it trickles down to everyone. The mayors, as we have seen, don’t care until it reaches them. Where were the security cameras ???
The It Is True Cat: This is just in-breaking news. We have learned that everything reported about Secretary of Defense, Lloyd Austin is a lie. He was sent to buy America’s extra Playstation 5 for visitors when they come to America. He became so involved that he played it without stopping for a week.
The message is this: You must say clearly that Jesus is the Lord. Also, you must believe deep inside yourself that God raised him to life again after his death. Then God will save you.
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