So now cocaine is legal in Oregon, but straws aren’t.  That must be frustrating.

Still trying to get my head around the fact that ‘Take Out’ can mean food, dating, or murder.

Threw out my back sleeping, and tweaked my neck sneezing so I’m probably just one strong cough away from complete paralysis.

Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers.  If you do find one, what’s your plan?

The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

Being popular on Facebook is like sitting at the ‘cool table’ in the cafeteria of a mental hospital.

You know you’re over 50 when you have ‘upstairs ibuprofen’ and ‘downstairs ibuprofen’.

How did doctors come to the conclusion that exercise prolongs life, when the rabbit is always jumping but only lives for around two years. The turtle that doesn’t exercise at all, lives over 200 years. So, rest, chill, eat, drink, and enjoy life!

If only vegetables smelled as good as bacon.

When I lost a couple fingers on my right hand in a freak accident, I asked the doctor if I would still be able to write with it.  He said, “Probably, but I wouldn’t count on it.”

I woke up this morning determined to drink less, eat right, and exercise.  But that was four hours ago when I was younger and full of hope.