Archive | April 14, 2021

One Of The Year’s Best Stories


  
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium.

She said, “I have a praise.  Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.  The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn’t know if they could help him.


You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.


“Phil was unable to hold me or the children,” she went on, “and every move caused him terrible pain.”  We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Phil’s scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place.


Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.


“Now,” she announced in a quivering voice, “thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely.


All the men sighed with unified relief.  The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.


A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. 


He said, “I’m Phil.” The entire congregation held its breath. 


“I just want to tell my wife that the word is sternum.”

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I hope you will watch this 3 minute video….

“The Texas Army National Guard is composed of approximately 19,000 soldiers, and maintains 117 armories in 102 communities. State duties include disaster relief, emergency preparedness, security assistance to state law enforcement agencies, and some aspects of border security. The Governor can activate the National Guard components under his control for state active duty in Texas, and in support of adjacent states. Why hasn’t  Governor Abbott activated his Texas National Guard to stop this

TURN TEXAS BLUE INVASION?”

-Sheila Tolley-

 

 

 

Things we learn from old age

There is no senior discount for reading this!!!

Lying around, pondering the problems of the world, I realized that, at my age,
I don’t really give a rat’s ass anymore.

If walking is good for your health, the mailman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, and drinks water, but is still fat.

A rabbit runs, and hops, and only lives 15 years, while a tortoise
doesn’t run, and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years. And they tell us to exercise? I don’t think so.

 

Now that I’m older, here’s what I’ve discovered:

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

It was a whole lot easier to get older, than it was to get wiser.

Some days, you’re the top dog, some days you’re the hydrant.

I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

It is not hard to meet expenses . . . They’re everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth..

These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter, I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “hereafter”.

Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

It is a lot better to be seen than viewed.

Have I sent this message to you before…or did I get it from you?

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THE SPHINX—INTERESTING THINGS

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Minnesota gets what they want/voted for ( see Cool Hand Luke scene a few lines down ).   Enjoy your diversity.  Any people who get support from Michigan’s slimy Tlaib need psychiatric care.  She is my Dung Beetle of the day.

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/04/12/brooklyn-center-chaos-city-manager-fired-for-saying-cop-entitled-to-due-process-officials-fear-activists-n359932

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/reaganmccarthy/2021/04/12/tlaib-calls-for-no-more-policing-n2587819

https://redstate.com/shipwreckedcrew/2021/04/13/mostly-peaceful-rioting-and-looting-in-brooklyn-center-minnesota-on-monday-night-n360036

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Who the fuk is running Boeing ?  They have had the planes grounded for a year, can’t they connect two wires ?  Are they and the airlines already hiring for diversity rather than skills and ability ?

https://www.breitbart.com/tech/2021/04/10/american-united-southwest-grounding-boeing-737-max-jets/

https://www.kiro7.com/news/trending/united-airlines-sets-new-diversity-goal-pilot-training/6EPFPMWTE5GZDBYPLPJZC4NGCI/

Did they get their new diversity electricians from here ?

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3185040/Danger-8ft-high-voltage-Lethal-power-cables-dangle-perilously-close-men-women-Old-Delhi-s-no-wonder-poor-electricians-blow-fuse.html

https://www.breitbart.com/

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Disney is wonderful.

https://babylonbee.com/news/new-disney-premium-service-will-send-a-satanist-drag-queen-to-your-house-to-teach-your-kids-about-communism

https://www.newsmax.com/

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The Interesting Editor:  Do you have some entertainment for our loyal readers, LL ?

Muckraking Cat:  I sure do.  The first one is no surprise.  We all remember that Power/Money corrupts.  BLM members are getting their share.  ( A Molotov Cocktail speeds up the process ).

https://nypost.com/2021/04/10/marxist-blm-leader-buys-1-4-million-home-in-ritzy-la-enclave/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/04/11/report-marxist-black-lives-matter-co-founder-buys-four-homes/

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2021/04/12/jonathan-turley-blasts-twitter-censorship-of-blm-co-founder-buying-1-4-million-home-n359255

Atlanta, our most recent sanctuary city, has given up on policing.  We knew that from the CNN/Wendy’s fiasco, and the 8 year old Black girl being killed.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/10/atlanta-cops-beg-residents-to-stop-shooting-each-other/

We also know that criminals don’t follow the laws, morals, or social guidelines.  The LIBERAL POLICY is for rich people.  It is sad but some people can’t be reached.  You can punish them or be their victim.  Some will kill you for a slice of pizza, or just for the fun of it.

Biden and his lackeys are changing the meaning of words and destroying our military.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/09/department-of-defense-to-change-definition-of-extremism-memo/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2021/04/09/navys-official-twitter-account-features-bald-eagle-wearing-surgical-mask/

Pennsylvania is a dem cesspool.

https://redstate.com/kiradavis/2021/04/09/pennsylvania-forced-to-purge-21000-dead-voters-after-election-integrity-lawsuit-n357901

A truth break, about the media.

https://redstate.com/wag/2020/01/09/chip-chip-explains-propaganda-n124994

An ancient history is unearthed.  Some DNA escaped.  The mummy has the same gait as Biden.

https://nypost.com/2021/04/09/3000-year-old-lost-egyptian-city-discovered-by-archaeologists/

 

A little girl has the answer

 

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though a whale is a very large mammal, its throat is very small.

The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.

The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was impossible.

The little girl said, “When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.”

The teacher asked, “What if Jonah went to hell?”

The little girl replied, “Then you ask him!”

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Favorite Movie Quotes

“Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Gone With the Wind, 1939

“I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.” The Godfather, 1972

Fun fact: This line makes it into each Godfather film in some way or another.

“You don’t understand! I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I could’ve been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am.” On the Waterfront, 1954

“Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” The Wizard of Oz, 1939
Fun fact: As one of the most famous movie quotes in film history, this line has been parodied by many different movies and television shows.

“Here’s looking at you, kid.” Casablanca, 1942