This should only be sent to the over 60 crowd because the younger ones would not believe we truly were told these “EXACT” words by our parents…

 My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL  DONE.

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”
.
 My mother taught me RELIGION.

“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
.

 My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
.

 My father taught me LOGIC.

” Because I said so, that’s why.”
.

 My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

“If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you’re not going to the store with me.”
.

 My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
.

 My father taught me IRONY.

“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
.

 My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”
.

 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

“Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

 My mother taught me about STAMINA.

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”
.

 My mother taught me about WEATHER.

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”
.

 My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times, don’t exaggerate!”
.

 My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out…”
.

 My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

“Stop acting like your father!”
.

 My mother taught me about ENVY.

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”
.

 My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

“Just wait until we get home.”
.

 My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

You are going to get it from your father when you get home!”
.

 My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way.”
.

 My mother taught me ESP.

“Put your sweater on; don’t you think I know when you are cold?”
.

 My father taught me HUMOR.

“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
.

 My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
.

 My mother taught me GENETICS.

“You’re just like your father.”
.

 My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

“Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?”
.

 My mother taught me WISDOM.

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.
.

 My father taught me about JUSTICE .

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
.

________________________________________________________________________

LeBron understands.

https://www.theonion.com/lebron-james-living-vicariously-through-his-son-not-bei-1849350367

https://thefederalist.com/

_______________________________________________________________________

Brittney would love to be on one of those big birds home, except for that pesky anthem.

https://babylonbee.com/news/brittney-griner-rewarded-with-9-years-of-not-hearing-the-us-national-anthem

https://www.breitbart.com/

_______________________________________________________________________

The Pan American Editor:  When was the Golden Age, LL ?

The Fly Me Cat:  It was mainly in the 60’s and 70’s.  I’m Judy, fly me.

https://www.cnn.com/travel/article/golden-age-flying-really-like/index.html?utm_source=pocket-newtab

Change doesn’t mean improvement.

https://nypost.com/2022/08/12/dallas-spirit-airlines-agent-suspended-after-trading-blows-with-passenger/

https://nypost.com/2022/08/09/woman-stunned-by-airlines-vegan-meal-on-international-flight/

Don’t be like the dems and Icarus.

TPAE:  Do you have a favorite passenger plane, TFMC ?

I liked the Concorde, until the big crash.  I want this moderator to explain how Congress works.

https://science.howstuffworks.com/transport/flight/modern/concorde.htm

Be extra careful of flying insects.

https://www.ateasepest.com/wasp-hornet-activity-in-late-summer-and-early-fall

In the lovely land of Lori Lightfoot….

Chicago schools are finally teaching practical math that local youngsters can use in their real-world environment. Educators challenge students for a better life. A sample test follows…..

NAME:   ___________________
GANG/CREW NAME:  ___________________________
CRIB:      ___________________________
 
1. Lajames has an AK-47 with a 200-round magazine. He usually misses 9 of every 10 shots and he uses 13 rounds per drive-by shooting. How many mofos can Lajames ice on a drive-by before he gotta reload?
 
2. Willie has 2 ounces of cocaine. If he sells an 8 ball to Antonio for $320 and 2 grams to Juan for $85 per gram, what be the street value of the rest of his stock?
 
3. Dwayne pimps 3 hos. If the price is $85 per trick, how many tricks per day must each ho turn to support Dwayne’s $800 per day crack habit?
 
4. Raul wants to cut the pound of cocaine he bought for $40,000 to make a 20% profit. How many ounce bags will he need to make to gets the 20% upside?
 
5. Ray-Ray gets $2000 for a stolen BMW, $1500 for stealing a Corvette, and $1000 for a 4 x 4. If he steals 1 BMW, 2 Corvettes and 3 4×4’s, how many more Corvettes must he steal to make the 10k for his brother’s bail?
 
6. Pedro got 6 years for murder. He also got $10,000 for the hit. If his common-law wife spends $100 of his hit money per month, how much money will be left when he gets out?
 
7. If an average can of spray paint covers 22 square feet and the average letter is 3 square feet, how many letters can be sprayed with three 8 oz. cans of spray paint with 20% paint left over?
 
8. Tyrone knocked up 4 girls in the gang. There be 20 girls in his gang. What be the percentage of bitches Tyrone knocked up?
 
9. Lafawnda is a lookout for the gang. Lafawnda also has a Boa Constrictor that eats 5 rats per week at a cost of $5 per rat.
If Lafawnda makes $700 a week as a lookout, how many weeks can she feed her snake with one week’s income?
 
10. Marvin steals Juan’s skateboard. As Marvin skates away at 15mph, Juan loads his 357 Magnum. If it takes Juan 20 seconds to load his piece, how far away will Marvin be when he gets whacked?

Sarah was in the fertilized egg business.  She had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.

She kept records and any rooster not performing was replaced.This took a lot of time, so she bought some tiny bells and attached them to her roosters.  Each bell had a different tone, so she could tell from a distance which rooster was performing.  She could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report by just listening to the bells.

Sarah’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen but, this morning, she noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all. When she went to investigate, she saw the other roosters were busy chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

To Sarah’s amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring.  He’d sneak up on a pullet, do his job, and walk on to the next one.

Sarah was so proud of old Butch that she entered him in a show and he became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the “No Bell Peace Prize”, they also awarded him the “Pullet Surprise” as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making.  Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the unsuspecting populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention?

Vote carefully in the next election.  You can’t always hear the bells.