Archive | October 10, 2020

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

 

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:



FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!


FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.


FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.



COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.



JOINING NUDIST COLONY !
Must sell washer and dryer £100.



WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE .
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.



**** And the WINNER is… ****



FOR SALE BY OWNER.
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes.
Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.


Statement of the Century
Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker–Billy Connolly. “If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can’t have a headache and sex at the same time?”


Children Are Quick
____________________________________

TEACHER: Why are you late?

STUDENT: Class started before I got here.

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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’

TEACHER: No, that’s wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

(I Love this child)

____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________


TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry tree, but also admitted it.

Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand…..

______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mum is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as your brother’s.

Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.


(I want to adopt this kid!!!)

___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

__________________________________

PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH

Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.
*
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THE SPHINX—LOBSTERS

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The FBI freed up some agents investigating Trump to work on their duties.

https://www.oann.com/documents-prove-obamas-team-created-russian-collusion-hoax/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/10/08/fbi-over-4-times-more-killed-with-knives-than-rifles/

https://nypost.com/2020/10/08/trump-rips-michigan-gov-gretchen-whitmer-denounces-violence/

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Check your local forecast.

https://weather.com/storms/hurricane/video/hurricane-delta-to-slam-the-gulf-coast?adRef=nav_trpcl

Cal is a great Demcomm.  I would vote for Cal, he knows how to honor oaths and promises.

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/10/08/thom-tillis-ad-exposes-cal-cunninghams-hypocrisy-extramarital-affair/

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/reaganmccarthy/2020/10/08/cunningham-drops-out-n2577504

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/10/08/lawyer-cal-cunningham-military-adultery-blackmail/

https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/10/08/combat-veteran-husband-of-cal-cunninghams-mistress-calls-for-north-carolina-senate-hopeful-to-drop-out/

Cal missed this extra credit course.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/08/priest-arrested-for-having-threesome-with-corset-wearing-dominatrices-on-church-altar/

Ooooohh, the Demcomms are fighting each other.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/08/aoc-slams-kamala-harris-for-fracking-stance-after-vp-debate/

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Every state needs a Demcomm Governor.  It’s harder to get rid of them than find a bottle of 70 Isopropyl Alcohol.

https://www.oann.com/effort-to-recall-calif-gov-newsom-gains-support-from-volunteers-all-across-the-state/

This is why we need to get local control of elected officials.  This Circuit Attorney is just like Judge Sullivan.

https://justthenews.com/nation/crime/grand-jury-indicts-mark-and-patricia-mccloskey

This would be great.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-virgin-hyperloop-west-virginia-exclus/exclusive-virgin-hyperloop-picks-west-virginia-to-test-high-speed-transport-system-idUSKBN26T2J3

https://www.newsmax.com/

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The Crustacean Editor:  Are lobsters in fashion, LL ?

https://www.history.com/news/a-taste-of-lobster-history

Where’s My Bib Cat:  They sure are, as one loyal reader pointed out they can outlive a Supreme Court Judge.  Trump might appoint one to replace Stephen Breyer ( age 82 ).  Here is Godzilla Trump fighting Lobster Biden.

TCE:  How did they get so big, WMBC ?

It was mostly caused by radiation and pollution,  ( Pigleosi is a human example ).

https://justthenews.com/accountability/whistleblowers/midnight-rockets-whistleblower-lawsuit-reveals-toxic-airborne

https://nypost.com/2020/09/22/massive-trash-tsunami-invades-honduras-beaches/

California can have Georgia’s fired Forest Director.  He is so screwy he could be the Salamander Man.

https://www.ajc.com/politics/georgia-forestry-director-resigns-after-arrest-on-shoplifting-charge/HVLOI3SQAFEJXGPUZERCLTOFOQ/

We have an abundance of Stink Bugs.  A regular fly-swatter will work fine, you don’t need a $10 Biden swatter.

https://www.pestworld.org/pest-guide/occasional-invaders/stink-bugs/

The Hippies knew how to protest.

McKee Covered Bridge

WGN – 37-15-06 McKee Covered Bridge – Oregon – Built in 1917 by Jason Hartman in Jackson County spanning Applegate River on McKee Br. Rd., single span, 122 feet long, Howe trusses

Closed foot bridge. The bridge was built on land donated by Adelbert “Deb” McKee in 1917. It was originally built to serve the Blue Ledge Copper Mine near the California border. When constructed, the western approach to the McKee Bridge was all fill dirt, not timbers and planks as you see it now. In 1927, a severe flood nearly washed the bridge away. Fortunately, the water washed away the fill providing a wider path so much of the current bypassed the bridge. Jackson County reconstructed the approach with timbers and planks. In 1956, the bridge was closed to motor vehicle traffic after large logging trucks became too heavy to be using the wooden structure. A new concrete bridge was constructed a short distance upstream. A concrete bridge replaced the Cameron covered bridge at the same time. Since then, McKee Bridge has been limited to pedestrian traffic. Jackson County continued to maintain the structure until 1987 when significant repairs were necessary. The county had invested $40,000 two years earlier to replace the approaches and could not fund the next round of repairs. The community formed the “Save McKee Bridge” committee and raised the necessary money. In 1999, the McKee Bridge Historical Society (MBHS) was created. Since then MBHS volunteers have been maintaining the bridge and raising funds for repairs.

 

PHOTOS BY: BILL BOWSER….FROM CINCINNATI, OHIO

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Astronomy Picture of the Day

Virgo Cluster Galaxies
Image Credit & Copyright: Fernando Pena

Explanation: Galaxies of the Virgo Cluster are scattered across this deep telescopic field of view. The cosmic scene spans about three Full Moons, captured in dark skies near Jalisco, Mexico, planet Earth. About 50 million light-years distant, the Virgo Cluster is the closest large galaxy cluster to our own local galaxy group. Prominent here are Virgo’s bright elliptical galaxies from the Messier catalog, M87 at the top left, and M84 and M86 seen (bottom to top) below and right of center. M84 and M86 are recognized as part of Markarian’s Chain, a visually striking line-up of galaxies vertically on the right side of this frame. Near the middle of the chain lies an intriguing interacting pair of galaxies, NGC 4438 and NGC 4435, known to some as Markarian’s Eyes. Of course giant elliptical galaxy M87 dominates the Virgo cluster. It’s the home of a super massive black hole, the first black hole ever imaged by planet Earth’s Event Horizon Telescope.

Tomorrow’s picture: pinnacles of sky