Archive | December 26, 2020

Christmas Stories…Enjoy

One year, a friend bought his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift…The next year he didn’t buy her a gift. When she asked him why, he replied, “Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

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Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope…

Can you please help me?

Sincerely, Edna

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened. It read:

Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the way, there was $4 missing.

I think it might have been those bastards at the post office.

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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

‘In honor of this holy season’ Saint Peter said, ‘You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The Englishman fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It’s a candle’, he said. ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’ St. Peter said.

The Scotsman reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re bells.’ Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the pearly gates’.

The Irishman started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘And just what do those symbolize?’

The Irishman replied, ‘These are Carol’s.’ … The Christmas Season begins.

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The 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable. They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior’s bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

“Mother,” the nuns asked. “Please give us some wisdom before you leave us.”

Mother Superior raised herself in the bed and said: “Don’t sell that cow.”

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A couple were Christmas shopping. The shopping center was packed, and as the wife walked through one of the malls she was surprised when she looked around to find that her husband was nowhere to be seen. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do and hence, she became so worried that she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a quiet voice he said, “Do you remember the jewelers we went into about five years ago where you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford, and I told you that I would get it for you one day?”

The wife choked up and started to cry and said, “Yes, I do remember that shop.”

He replied, “Well, I’m in the pub next door.”

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A friend told the blond: “Christmas is on a Friday this year.”

The blond thought about it, then said, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”

 

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Think About This:

1. Cows
2. The Constitution
3. The Ten Commandments

 

COWS
Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Canada almost three years prior, directly to the stall where she slept in the state of Washington? They even tracked her calves to their stalls. BUT….they are unable to locate 20 million illegal aliens who are wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

Image result for cow pics funny

 

THE CONSTITUTION
There is still talk about drafting a Constitution for Iraq…why don’t we give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys and it has worked for over 200 years. After all,  we are not using it anymore.

Image result for torn up constitution pics

 

THE TEN COMMANDMENTS
The real reason we can’t have the Ten Commandments posted in the courthouse is this….you cannot post:
‘Thou Shall Not Steal,  Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery & Thou Shall Not Bear False witness’ in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

Image result for ten commandments

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That Horrible M Word……..

Have you ever wondered why it is OK to make jokes about:

Catholics, Jews, Christians, the Pope, the Irish, the Italians, the Polish, the Hungarians, the Chinese, the French (including French Canadians), the elderly, bad golfers, men/women, blacks/whites, etc, but its insensitive to make jokes about the Muslims?

Well, it’s time to level the playing field and be politically incorrect, by including our friends, the Muslims, on this grandiose list.

So Jeff Foxworthy did his part to include the Muslims on his list …

You may be a Muslim if:

You grow and refine heroin for a living, but morally
object to the use of liquor.

You own a $3,000 machine gun and a $5,000 rocket
launcher, but can’t afford shoes.

You have more wives than teeth..

You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon to be unclean.

You think vests come in two styles, Bullet-proof and suicide.

You can’t think of anyone who you haven’t declared jihad against.

You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.

You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses, other than setting off roadside bombs.

You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.

You find this offensive.

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Freedom Is not Free!

INCOMING GUNFIRE ALWAYS HAS THE RIGHT-OF-WAY!

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THE SPHINX—UNUSUAL THINGS

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Those dems know how to multitask.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bronsonstocking/2020/12/23/ossoff-warnock-campaign-staff-taking-packages-from-voters-homes-n2582084

https://nypost.com/2020/12/22/ny-leads-nation-in-population-drop-could-lose-house-seat/

Here is more liberal BS.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bronsonstocking/2020/12/18/medical-journal-says-sex-designations-on-birth-certificates-are-harmful-to-transgender-people-n2581824

https://www.breitbart.com/

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The Maxwell and Katie Hill Diary.

https://nypost.com/2020/12/23/ghislaine-maxwell-only-wanted-to-divorce-hubby-to-protect-him-lawyers/

https://nypost.com/2020/12/23/katie-hill-sues-ex-husband-media-outlets-over-nude-photos/

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https://www.newsmax.com/

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Believe It Editor:  What is unusual, LL ?

A Lot Of People Are Stupid Cat:  Here is a fool.  People are more than bizarre.

https://www.foxnews.com/world/man-mauled-death-pet-hippo

I guess everyone needs a goal.

https://nypost.com/2020/12/12/instagram-influencer-corset-trained-body-to-16-inch-waist/

These are two of my favorite links.

https://nypost.com/2020/07/18/the-family-that-owns-the-new-york-times-were-slaveholders-goodwin/

https://redstate.com/nick-arama/2020/09/06/antifa-guys-feet-get-lit-up-by-molotov-cocktail-from-his-buddies-the-internet-reacts-n253689

These are probably mutations caused by toxins or radiation.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/09/more-humans-born-with-an-extra-artery-as-part-of-microevolution/

Move to where it isn’t crowded.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/13/earth-to-become-an-uninhabitable-hell-as-climate-crisis-heightens/

Woooaaaaaa.

https://nypost.com/2020/10/24/scientists-find-evidence-that-may-link-nails-to-christs-crucifixion/

Most dogs have been around people long enough to be less aggressive, unlike hippos.

https://nypost.com/2020/11/24/faithful-8400-year-old-dog-found-buried-with-his-master-in-sweden/

 

Stewart Covered Bridge

WGN – 37-20-28 Stewart Covered Bridge – Built in 1930 in Lane County by Lane County spanning Mosby Creek on Garoutte Rd., single span, 60 feet long, Howe trusses

Oregon Bridge #15006. Heavy rains from the “Christmas Flood” of 1964 swelled Mosby Creek to the point where the forces cracked the lower chords of the bridge. In early 1969, a heavy snowstorm dropped over three feet of snow on most of the Willamette Valley. The roof braces gave way under the weight and the roof collapsed. The bridge was repaired and remained in service with a 20-ton limit until it was bypassed by a concrete span in the mid-1980s. One of the approaches was removed in 1987. In the early 1990s, Lane County received a grant to restore the bridge.

PHOTOS BY: BILL BOWSER….FROM CINCINNATI, OHIO
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