Archive | May 13, 2020

How to fire an employee

All the members of the company’s Board of Directors were called into the Chairman’s office, one after another, until only Ted, the junior member, was left sitting outside.

Finally it was his turn to be summoned.

Ted entered the office to find the Chairman and the other four Directors seated at the far end of the boardroom table.

Ted was instructed to stand at the other end of the table, which he did.

The Chairman looked Ted squarely in the eye, and with a stern voice, he asked:

“Have you ever had sex with my secretary, Miss Floyd?”

“Oh, no, sir, positively not…!” Ted replied.

“Are you absolutely sure…?” asked the chairman.

“Honest, I’ve never been close enough to even touch her…!”

“You’d swear to that…?”

“Yes, I swear I’ve never had sex with Miss Floyd, anytime, anywhere…” insisted Ted.

“Good, then you fire her!”


FINALLY, some exertion-free exercises

Drawing Lazy Man Couch Stock Illustrations – 50 Drawing Lazy Man ...

Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but my
body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of
strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to
use my program without charge. Here are the things I have become good at:

* Beating around the bush

* Jumping to conclusions

* Climbing the walls

* Swallowing my pride

* Passing the buck

* Throwing my weight around

* Dragging my heels

* Pushing my luck

* Making Mountains out of molehills

* Hitting the nail on the head

* Wading through paperwork

* Bending over backwards

* Jumping on the bandwagon

* Balancing the books

* Running around in circles

* Eating crow

* Tooting my own horn

* Climbing the ladder of success

* Pulling out the stops

* Adding fuel to the fire

* Opening a can of worms

* Putting my foot in my mouth

* Starting the ball rolling

* Going over the edge





Chinese Facts About America—Our government approved all of this.


The Editor:  Is Cuomo still not running for President, LL ?

NYC Cat:  That’s what he says.  Maybe he could do better managing America than his nursing homes.

TE:  How did Cuomo come to your attention, NYCC ?

Three Lives Cat:  Amigo has an old Sphinx that we published when Obama got his health fiasco passed.  Amigo was going to open a final resting place for people to get eternal peace.  Some one checked our archives on the article.  These articles were searched.  The first is for poor people.

The second was for rich and influential people.

TE:  How do you know it was Cuomo who checked the files, TLC ?

TLC:   I like that, Amigo will name our new enterprise TLC.   We used the same company to check our files that the DNC used in Russia Gate.

TE:  Who will you get to operate your facilities, TLC ?

Amigo said that we would get Democratic HOR members or Senators.  He said that the only people they loved killing more than citizens too old and sick to vote, was to kill unborn or recently born babies.

TE:  Does Amigo  have any other ideas ?

TLC:  He wants to give an extra Republican vote in federal elections for each abortion.  Using 2017 figures that would be 828,000 extra Republican votes.

Astronomy Picture of the Day

Jupiter in Infrared from Gemini
Image Credit: International Gemini Observatory, NOIRLab, NSF, AURA; M. H. Wong (UC Berkeley) & Team;
Acknowledgment: Mahdi Zamani; Text: Alex R. Howe (NASA/USRA, Reader’s History of SciFi Podcast)

Explanation: In infrared, Jupiter lights up the night. Recently, astronomers at the Gemini North Observatory in Hawaii, USA, created some of the best infrared photos of Jupiter ever taken from Earth’s surface, pictured. Gemini was able to produce such a clear image using a technique called lucky imaging, by taking many images and combining only the clearest ones that, by chance, were taken when Earth’s atmosphere was the most calm. Jupiter’s jack-o’-lantern-like appearance is caused by the planet’s different layers of clouds. Infrared light can pass through clouds better than visible light, allowing us to see deeper, hotter layers of Jupiter’s atmosphere, while the thickest clouds appear dark. These pictures, together with ones from the Hubble Space Telescope and the Juno spacecraft, can tell us a lot about weather patterns on Jupiter, like where its massive, planet-sized storms form.

Tomorrow’s picture: open space