Archive | May 11, 2020

The Poetry Contest

Caravan, Camels, Desert, Sunset, Dromedary, Tuareg

 

A poetry contest had come down to two semi-finalists: a Yale graduate and a redneck. They were given a word, then allowed a minute to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination: Timbuktu.

The crowd loved it! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three sluts in a pop-up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Tim bucked two.

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The Perfect Man

Image result for the perfect man

 

A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, “Perfect timing. You’re just like Frank.”

Passenger: “Who?”

Cabbie: “Frank Feldman. He’s a guy who did everything right all the time.

Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.”

Passenger: “There are always a few clouds over everybody.”

Cabbie: “Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.”

Passenger: “Sounds like he was really something special.”

Cabbie: “There’s more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody’s birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman could do everything right.”

Passenger: “Wow, what a guy!”

Cabbie: ‘He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.”

Passenger: “How did you meet him?”

Cabbie: “I never actually met Frank. He died and I married his wife.”

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Astronomy Picture of the Day

Behind Betelgeuse
Image Credit & Copyright: Adam Block, Steward Observatory, University of Arizona

Explanation: What’s behind Betelgeuse? One of the brighter and more unusual stars in the sky, the red supergiant star Betelgeuse can be found in the direction of famous constellation Orion. Betelgeuse, however, is actually well in front of many of the constellation’s other bright stars, and also in front of the greater Orion Molecular Cloud Complex. Numerically, light takes about 700 years to reach us from Betelgeuse, but about 1,300 years to reach us from the Orion Nebula and its surrounding dust and gas. All but the largest telescopes see Betelgeuse as only a point of light, but a point so bright that the inherent blurriness created by the telescope and Earth’s atmosphere make it seem extended. In the featured long-exposure image, thousands of stars in our Milky Way Galaxy can be seen in the background behind Betelgeuse, as well as dark dust from the Orion Molecular Cloud, and some red-glowing emission from hydrogen gas on the outskirts of the more distant Lambda Orionis Ring. Betelgeuse has recovered from appearing unusually dim over the past six months, but is still expected to explode in a spectacular supernova sometime in the next (about) 100,000 years.

Tomorrow’s picture: little harp meteors

THE SPHINX—PROJECT VERITAS

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https://www.reuters.com/article/us-sports-ncaa-emmert/ncaa-president-sports-wont-return-until-campuses-reopen-idUSKBN22L0D8

Friday, 5-8-2020 was the 75th anniversary of Victory In Europe Day.  VE Day.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/05/08/europe/gallery/ve-day-75th-anniversary/index.html

https://www.breitbart.com/

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For more on the Obama/Liberal coup attempt  check The Federalist.  Obama is protesting the Flynn case because his corruption is starting to be uncovered.  He is as crooked as Lombard Street in San Francisco and Pigleosi combined.

https://thefederalist.com/2020/05/08/obama-biden-oval-office-meeting-on-january-5-was-key-to-entire-anti-trump-operation/

https://www.redstate.com/nick-arama/2020/05/09/jonathan-turley-rips-apart-obamas-leaked-statement-about-the-doj-and-flynn-and-its-glorious/

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The Editor:  Is Project Veritas one of the shovel ready projects Obama never started, LL ?

Latin Cat:  No.  Veritas is Latin for truth.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Veritas

Google describes it as a right wing extremist provocateur organization, that’s why I believe the Veritas people..  Our loyal readers can make up their own minds.

https://www.projectveritas.com/news/cbs-news-this-morning-aired-faked-covid-19-drive-through-testing-site-line/

https://www.breitbart.com/the-media/2020/05/07/nolte-cbs-news-broadcasting-fake-coronavirus-footage-third-time/

https://www.projectveritas.com/news/

Barr talks about his problems.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/katiepavlich/2020/05/08/bill-barr-sounds-off-on-why-doj-dropped-flynns-case-n2568445

Obama and Pigleosi must be inspecting Tesla cars.

https://nypost.com/2020/05/09/tesla-steering-wheel-falls-off-in-drivers-hands/

I don’t believe any of the MSM or Obama/Liberals.  They have no class.

RIP  Little Richard.

https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2020/05/09/little-richard-grammy-winning-rock-music-legend-dies-87/

Good Stuff

You have the capacity to choose what you think about. If you choose to think about past hurts, you will continue to feel bad. While it’s true you can’t change the effect past influence had on you once, you can change the effect they have on you now.

If you think you’re too small to make a difference, you haven’t been in bed with a mosquito.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?

Courage is contagious. When a brave person takes a stand, the spines of others are stiffened.

Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge.

Deep thoughts of a retired man

Cartoon Drawing Person Thought Stick Figure - Person Drawing ...

I worked in the yard today, and after doing so I sat down and had a glass of wine. 

The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing, and I said, “Nothing.”

She then said, “That’s what you did yesterday!”

I replied, “I WASN’T DONE , SO I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF FINISHING RIGHT NOW.”

The reason I said “nothing” instead of saying “just thinking” is because she then would have asked, “About what?” 

At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.

Finally I pondered an age old question:  “Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?”

Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?     

Well, after another glass of wine, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question. 

Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn’t really know, here is the reason for my conclusion. 

A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”     

On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”


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