Archive | June 22, 2020

Fall Out, Soldiers!

As a group of soldiers stood in formation at an Army Base, the Drill Sergeant said, “All right! All you idiots, fall out.”

As the rest of the squad wandered away, one soldier remained at attention. The Drill Instructor walked over until he was eye to eye with him, and then raised a single eyebrow.

The soldier smiled and said, “Sure was a lot of ’em, huh, sir?”

Skinny Dipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn’t been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, ‘we’re not coming out until you leave!’

The old man frowned, ‘I didn’t come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked.. ‘
Holding the bucket up he said, ‘I’m here to feed the alligator.’

Some old men can still think fast.

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Who Wants Him?

A wife went to the police station with her next door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description. She said, “He’s 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children.”

The next-door neighbor protested, “Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children.”

The wife replied, “Yes, but who wants HIM back?”
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THE SPHINX—-THE OSCARS

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https://www.breitbart.com/politics/2020/06/20/tensions-reportedly-escalating-outside-of-president-trumps-tulsa-rally/

https://nypost.com/2020/06/20/one-killed-two-injured-during-shooting-inside-seattles-cop-free-zone/

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/bronsonstocking/2020/06/19/poll-finds-more-than-half-believe-biden-is-in-the-early-stages-of-dementia-n2570975

Here are Pigleosi and Maxine on the impeachment thing.  They are Evel Knievels.

https://www.breitbart.com/2020-election/2020/06/19/watch-epic-wheelie-fail-anti-trump-agitators-humiliated-after-falling-off-atv/

https://nypost.com/2020/06/20/kim-jong-uns-princess-sister-is-turning-into-the-terminator/

https://www.nationalreview.com/2020/06/president-trump-fires-us-attorney-geoffrey-berman/

https://www.breitbart.com/

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The Hollywood Editor:  This sounds exciting, LL.

Rodeo ( Rode-a-o) Drive Cat:  It sure is, here is my first link.  I tried to be a driver once, but without thumbs it was tough.

THE:  The car going over the cliff scene reminds me of Biden’s campaign, RDC.

It sure does, he picked a white female VP.  Here is Hollywood eliminating talent as a requirement for good acting.  It probably doesn’t matter.  The cooking channel gets more viewers, and the last good movie they made was The Godfather.

https://www.foxnews.com/entertainment/oscars-best-picture-changes-diversity

https://www.breitbart.com/entertainment/2020/06/14/oscars-announce-end-of-artistic-freedom-with-diversity-requirement/

This is good news.

https://nypost.com/2020/06/15/oscars-2021-postponed-to-later-date-due-to-the-coronavirus/

Celebrities love this guy.

https://townhall.com/tipsheet/leahbarkoukis/2020/06/17/farrakhan-n2570788

Here is more Hollywood news.  O.J., Hertz, and the Bronco are making a comeback.

https://www.cnbc.com/2020/06/15/hertz-says-it-expects-stockholders-to-lose-all-their-money-in-filing-for-selling-more-stock.html?__source=twitter%7Cmain

https://nypost.com/2020/06/15/the-ford-bronco-is-coming-back-on-o-j-simpsons-73rd-birthday/

https://www.detroitnews.com/story/business/autos/ford/2020/06/19/ford-push-reveal-bronco-july-13/3222405001/

Here is part of O J’s slow speed chase.

2020 is a great year.

A Criminal Lawyer

“Excuse me,” a young fellow said to an older man, “I’ve just moved here and I wonder if this town has any criminal lawyers?”

“Well,” replied the older man, “I have lived here all my life and all I can tell you is we are pretty sure we do, but no one has been able to prove it yet.”

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A Virgin Bride On Her 4th Wedding

Image result for wedding bells

A woman who had been married three times walked into a bridal shop and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.

“Of course, madam,”  replied the sales clerk, “exactly what type and color dress are you looking for?”

The bride-to-be said, “A long frilly white dress with a veil.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, madam, but such dresses are usually more fitting for the first time bride who is more innocent in the ways of life, if you get my meaning.”

“WELL!”   replied the customer, a little peeved at the clerk’s directness,  “I can assure you that a white gown would be quite appropriate.  Believe it or not, despite all my marriages, I remain as innocent as a first-time bride.

You see, my first husband was so excited about our wedding, he had a heart attack due to an unknown congenital condition as we were checking into our honeymoon hotel.

My second husband and I got into such a terrible fight in the limo on our way to our honeymoon hotel that we had that wedding annulled immediately and never spoke to each other again.”

 “What about your third husband?”

“That one was a Democrat,” said the woman, “and every night for four years, he just sat on the  edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be, but nothing ever happened.”

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Military distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”

Image result for cartoon pic of a fat witch

 

There is a medical distinction between “Guts” and “Balls”, according to the British military.

We’ve heard colleagues referring to people with “Guts”, or with “Balls”.

Do they, however, know the difference between them?

Here’s the official distinction; straight from the British Medical Journal: Volume 323; page 295.

GUTS – Is arriving home late, after a night out with the lads, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the “Guts” to ask: “Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?”

BALLS – Is coming home late after a night out with the lads, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the bum and having the “Balls” to say: ‘You’re next, Chubby.’

I trust this clears up any confusion.

Medically speaking, there is no difference in outcome; both are fatal.

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Astronomy Picture of the Day

Moon Mountains Magnified during Ring of Fire Eclipse
Image Credit & Copyright: Wang Letian (Eyes at Night)

Explanation: What are those dark streaks in this composite image of yesterday’s solar eclipse? They are reversed shadows of mountains at the edge of the Moon. The center image, captured from Xiamen, China, has the Moon’s center directly in front of the Sun’s center. The Moon, though, was too far from the Earth to completely block the entire Sun. Light that streamed around all of the edges of the Moon is called a ring of fire. Images at each end of the sequence show sunlight that streamed through lunar valleys. As the Moon moved further in front of the Sun, left to right, only the higher peaks on the Moon’s perimeter could block sunlight. Therefore, the dark streaks are projected, distorted, reversed, and magnified shadows of mountains at the Moon’s edge. Bright areas are called Bailey’s Beads. Only a narrow swath across Earth’s Eastern Hemisphere was able to see yesterday’s full annular solar eclipse. Next June, though, a narrow swath across Earth’s Northern Hemisphere will be able to see the next annular solar eclipse. A total solar eclipse will be visible at the bottom of the world near the end of this year.

Tomorrow’s picture: x-raying the sky